-LYNN'S P.O.V-
My world is crumbling down fast. Her thoughts race just as fast as mine. I open my mouth to speak...but I can't.
She wants me to hate her, I hear it in her thoughts. But I don't. I just wish I knew sooner so I could prepare or something. I'm not ready for this? I'm scared to even watch her go through labor pains.
My heart. My heart is breaking because of her thoughts. She wants me to hate her so I won't feel anything. She thinks because I'm silent that I'm trying to block her from my heart. I'm not.
I'm just scared. I'm scared. I don't want to lose her.
"I don't want to lose you."
She looks up. Her beautiful deep blue eyes... filled with sadness.
"You won't.."
"Why does it feel like I'm going to?"
"You won't."
"You should have told me sooner."
"I was scared.. I didn't want to hurt you."
I lean in and kiss her forehead. "Let's just sleep, okay? We will cross this bridge when we come to it."
"Forgive me?"
"Yeah, J. I always will forgive."
"I'm really sorry."
"It's okay, Koala. It will be okay."
I hope...
"I love you.." She says it in a heartwrenching manner as if..I'd never say it back..
"I love you too, Koala. Forever and always."
"Do you?" God this woman...
"Yes. Yes, I do. I love you more than you could possibly imagine."
"I don't deserve it."
"Everyone deserves love. And so do you. Don't doubt my love."
"Okay."
She sighs and falls asleep quickly.
"I love you, Lynndsie.." She lightly mumbles.. "please forgive me.."
"I love you too, Koala."
And I do. I do forgive her. I love her so much.
How do I prepare? How do I prepare? For something like that...
My heart is hurting to the thought of her even being in pain. And I know for a fact that he's coming soon. She's been showing more and more signs.
He's been kicking. Hard. She's been cramping a lot this week more than others. She's got that... nesting? thing going... the house is always clean due to massive OCD Jamie but like the house is completely spotless now. You could eat off the floors.....
Uh.. She's also got the extra tired. Like really extra tired. I mean, Jamie loves to sleep... But she sleeps almost all the time. I don't wake her up when I get up anymore. I hate sleeping without her...but she needs sleep.
I sigh and fall asleep to her.
"Are we ready?"
"No."
"No."
"Come on, lovelies. Grandma wants to see you and I have a feeling if you're late being there she's going to be upset." I tease Alex.
"Nooo. I don't want grandma to be mad at me." Alex runs to me quickly. Jamie wobbles behind.
I can't help but smile to her.
"Why do I have to be so fat?"
She hobbles pass me and we get in the car after I get Alex in her seat.
"I wanna listen to music." Alex says from the backseat.
"Suggestion?"
"What's thay band with that girl?"
"In This Moment?"
"That."
Jamie smirks at me and puts on an album. I'm proud of our daughter. Harry Potter and our favorite music. She's epic.
Jamie's hand tightens in mine. Maybe for a few seconds but she was in heavy breaths. My heart beats hard against my chest for a quick moment.
"Okay. So. Change of plans, Panda."
I turn the music off.
"Ly."
"Yeah, J. I know."
Jamie calls her mom.
"Hey Mom."
"HI GRANDMA." Alex yells from the back seat.
Jamie and I laugh but it's cut short.
"So... Change of plans."
"Well. Might need you to meet us somewhere."
"Yeah. I'm fine."
Jamie laughs lightly. "Oh yeah. Definitely."
Yeah, I have no clue what they're talking about. I wish I did though. I continue the detour to the hospital.
"Alright, we'll see you there."
Jamie hangs up and laughs to herself.
"Alex, she said she will hug you soon."
"YAAAAY." Alex yells and raises her hands in the air in excitement.
"Also, she said for you to stop worrying, Ly."
"I have a right. Just let me be. Just let me."
I pull up to the hospital and we wait until our party arives. Her hand squeezes mine tightly again and it lasts for a few seconds but she's still in heavy breaths.
"Momma are you okay?"
"I'm fine, babygirl."
"Common lie." She pouts at Jamie.
Well... at least I taught her right on that.
"I'm okay." Jamie corrects and smiles to Alex.
Her mom pulls up next to our right. And Zee and Rose to our left. As we get out, they do. I grab Alex. Jamie tried to grab Alex's bag but mom doesn't allow her.
I know Alex doesn't need a bag really anymore. It's mainly snacks if she gets hungry. Or things to wipe her nose with. Or other small things Jamie thought she might need on the go.
I grab our bag with clothes and stuff for Jamie if she wants to change after. I've kept the bag prepared in the car for the pass month. Alex hangs on tightly and I'm able to carry our bag and hold Jamie's hand at the same time.
As we are about to go in the doors Jamie stops and her hand squeezes mine tightly. Lasting a little longer but still far from ready. And... well.. Her water breaks.
"These were new jeans... And boxers... this sucks." She breathes out heavy..
I can't help but laugh lightly and Rose joins in. Yeah, it did suck. Mom runs in and crabs a wheelchair.
"I don't want it."
"Get in the wheelchair."
"I don't want it."
"Get in the wheelchair, Jamie."
Just because I know you're listening to my thoughts.. Jamie, get in the goddamn wheelchair before I fucking make you.
Her head snaps to me and I raise my eyebrow. She sits in the chair and grumbles.
"This is bull.." She mumbles the rest of the word so the kids won't hear.
"Momma peed herself."
Jamie cracks up laughing. "Oh yeah. Definitely done that."
"Eeew." Andrew and Alex say at the same time.
Jamie sighs. As we walk in, it's like an automatic thing that the nurse would know what's happening.
"Patient info?"
"Jamie James. 23. Oh god I'm old." I lightly smack her arm.
By law she is required to include her previous medical issues.
"I have epilepsy, had brain surgery twice with rounds of chemo for cancer."
I know how much she hates telling her medical to anyone. I lightly squeeze her hand. She sighs.
"Who's your party?"
"Wife." Jamie looks to me and smiles.
"Alex, our daughter."
"HIIIII." Alex waves. The nurse laughs and waves back.
"I'm the sister. This is my wife and our son." Zee says and raises Rose's and her hands that are locked.
"This would be mom." Jamie smiles.
The nurse smiles to us all and is about to speak.
"Oh.. Possibly dad." Jamie looks up to me.
"I'm sure he will make it." I try to assure her.
"Let's get you in a room, honey."
We follow behind the nurse into a room. My heart starts to ache because I know what will happen. I'm as ready as I'm going to get...which is barely..
"Momma?"
"Yeah, babygirl?"
Everyone gets situated in the room and I'm about to help change Jamie in the bathroom. Alex keeps conversation for a moment longer.
"I don't like pain in your eyes."
A small smile grows from me. She's so much like Jamie but she's also so much like me..
"I'm alright, babygirl. Sit with grandma, I'll be right back."
Alex flops on mom. "Hey grandma."
"Almost 4 years and I'm not use to being called that. Why do you girls make me feel old?"
"You're not old." Jamie and Zee say together.
I shut the door and help Jamie undress. I hug her from behind and kiss her cheek.
"You're my brave warrior. You've been through worse than this. I love you so much. Please don't hate me..."
"I love you too, Ly. Don't be silly. I could never hate you."
I open the door and pick her up. I lay her on the hospital bed and sit beside her on a chair. Her hand tightens in mine as a contraction starts. It just leaves her in heavy breaths but that's about it besides the few extra seconds.
"Momma can I lay with you?"
"Yeah, babygirl."
I help Alex on the bed. Always between us and snuggles close to Jamie. Alex quickly grows tired and brings her thumb in her mouth as she sleeps.
The doctor walks in and sets Jamie up with an iv and fluids. He tells her the basics of what he told me when I was in labor with Alex.
The time passes slow but her contractions progress more and more. Alex remains asleep despite Jamie's almost hyperventilating. She's always fallen asleep when Jamie holds her or is near her. Something about Jamie calms her.
Mom reaches over and takes Alex. As mom sits, Alex snuggles in more comfortably. I sigh and rest my forehead on the bed..
I'm shocked Jamie hasn't asked for anything to help with the pain but she is a warrior and does have a high tolerance for pain.
"I can't on my own anymore, Ly. If it gets worse.."
I press the call nurse button and the nurse comes immediately. Jamie asks for a pain reliever and the nurse walks out but back in with a syringe. Another contraction starts and as her hand tightens, her hand also loosens.
At least she's breathing? I couldn't. I fucking froze.
Dad should be getting home soon from his drive back in state. I grab my phone and call. I put on speaker for Jamie to hear.
"Hey dad."
"Hey dad." Jamie says slightly weak...
"Hey girls. What's up?"
"Jamie went in labor about... 3.. hours ago?"
"Are the kids with you?"
"Alex is asleep and Andrew is awake."
I can tell he only asked that so he can curse us out.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me when it happened?"
"We didn't want you to speed and crash." Jamie says.
He grumbles slightly and sighs. "I'll be there as soon as possible."
"Drive safe." Jamie says.
"I love you Jamie. I'll be there soon."
He hangs up. I laugh lightly.
"You know, I think he does actually love you more."
Jamie smiles but it doesn't last long. Another contraction starts and leaves her in heavy breaths. I love this woman but now I know how she felt... so useless.. I hate seeing her in pain.
Within 20 minutes dad arrives. He takes Alex after he kisses Jamie's forehead and mom takes Jamie's other hand.
"You know, I always feared this day. The day I would truly have to admit you're grown up."
Jamie laughs. "Oh so Alex wasn't the awakening to that?"
"Naaaah."
I laugh with Jamie.
"Well, Lynn makes me feel old every day. So. I guess at some point you'd see it."
"I DO NOT."
She squeezes my hand and her breathing grows heavier.
"I was kidding. Sort of."
I lean over and kiss her cheek.
"Ly.. I don't want Alex in here when it gets worse."
"Don't worry about that right now, love."
Her hand squeezes mine, her breath wavers heavily and I know she's trying not to cry out.
"How about I take her home with me for the night?" Dad says.
"Please." Jamie breathes out. "She doesn't need to be here."
"I can take her. Zee wants me to take Andrew home."
I nod for Rose. I want dad to stay.. he should be here in case I die...
As Rose leaves, Jamie starts a contraction that she yells in pain to. God... help my heart. Five minutes later she starts another and I know it's almost time.
The doctor walks in and gives her epidural. She's given the choice...
"Please don't leave me.." Her voice weak.. flashbacks... flashbacks are over taking my mind.. I hold them back as much as I can.
"Never, Koala. I'm always going to be here. I'm never going to leave you."
Relief fills her eyes as if she were dying to say that but knew my heart wouldn't like it.
"Mom.."
"I got you, Jamie."
We're taken back to a different room and I help Jamie to the other bed, despite being asked to let the nurses do it. My heart is racing so fast as she cries out in pain. The meds aren't working...
The doctors set up what they need to quickly and she's ready... But I'm not. I'm not ready.. I'm not ready..
"Push once for me, Mrs. James?"
Jamie squeezes my hand tightly. It's not as strong as the one time she nearly broke my hand in a seizure but it's still a strong grip. I lean over and kiss her forehead.
"I love you, Jamie. I love you so much." I try to comfort her the best I know how.
"Another push, Mrs. James?"
Jamie pushes again. Her screams are shredding my heart to pieces. Her hand tight in mine. She runs her thumb lightly over mine and my heart feels slightly eased. What would I do without you? What would I be without you? What would I be without my Jamie?
The doctors talk quickly and I look over to mom. Her face drains of all color as she looks from them to me.
"I need towels now."
Jamie cries out in pain. My heart races. Not now, Jamie... not now..
"She's going to have a seizure." I try to get the doctors attention.
"I love you, Ly."
Her eyes flutter as she starts to seize. My heart.
"We're going to take her to OR. I have to ask you to leave."
They pry her hand from mine.
"I can't leave her. Please.."
Mom drags me out. They quickly pull her out. She still seizing as she is being ran down the hall into an elevator. I can't breath.
I fall to the floor... everything in me breaks. Everything. I WASN'T READY.
All memories flood back. Her every visit to this god forsaken hellhole. I can't breath.
"Lynn.." mom lifts my chin as she crouched in front of me.
"She's going to be okay." She says but she's questioning it herself.
She hugs me tightly. I cry in her embrace. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.
"Come on, Lynn. Let's go back to the room and wait. It's all we can do."
She may be in my ear but she's so muffled.. I don't know how I got up. I don't know how I was walking.
All I know is I left her arms and they were replaced by dads.
"What happened?" He asks.
"The doctor tried to get him out. His feet came first. Or a foot. She started hemorrhaging and then she seized. They rushed her back into the OR."
I feel myself shaking. I know I'm still crying but everything just seems so bad. I wasn't ready.
"I wasn't ready." I cry out. "She had a dream it would happen. Over 3 fucking years ago.. but she only told me yesterday. I WASN'T READY." I scream the last part in my dad's chest.
I found myself repeating it in whimpers against him. His hold on me keeps me standing though I know if I wasn't held, I would surely fall again.
The world falls down around me. I can't think of anything other than Jamie. If she's okay.. if she's alright.. God I need help..
I need help. I need help. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready. I wasn't fucking ready.
I don't know how long I've been held.. been crying.. been in pain. But it was long enough. Long enough for at least one thing.
I hear a baby's cries come closer. I turn around quickly and see a nurse walking straight towards our room with a baby. Her clothes.. Her clothes... have ..Jamie's... blood.
It takes me a moment.. to register she's even said anything.
"Mrs. James?"
"Y..Yes.."
She steps forward and offers me Tim. He is so beautiful. So small.. so perfect. He has her eyes.. I can't help but shed tears to him.
"Your.. wife?"
"W..Wife."
"We're doing all we can. There is no current update. I'm so sorry. I have to get back. Hang in there."
I nod slowly. She runs off quickly. I sit down with Tim. As soon as he was in my arms he stopped crying.
His beautiful dark deep blue eyes.. his nose even.. his ears.. he's all Jamie...
I rock him and he sleeps. Dad sits on one side of me, mom on the other. Zee stands in front of me.
"She'll be okay, Lynn."
"Of all the years I've been with her fucking tragic ass... I've never felt pain like this before. I've never. I wasn't ready."
Zee goes and sits back in her chair. She's texting away... probably to Rose. I'm in a trance looking at Tim while comparing to all the small features he looks like Jamie.
The nurse came back a few times... only to tell me that she is stable. My head keeps pounding to the same painful beat if my heart. All I can do is hold our son and hope my wife comes back to me.
My tears have stopped... But my hearts pain never goes away. Never.
A subtle 'Ahem' makes my head snap upward. Our doctor walks closer to me.
"I did everything I could. Your wife is okay, she's in the icu recovering. You can come and see her but I would recommend to prepare yourself. She hemorrhaged and I had no choice but do a full hysterectomy after birthing your son. I couldn't stop the bleeding any other way, I am truly sorry."
I nod slowly.
"I'll take you to her, I would ask for the rest of you to stay here. When she is wake and alert, she will be brought back here. I would like to keep her for a little while because of her pass medical."
I nod again to him. I get up with Tim and grab my phone. He starts to walk and I follow close behind.
As I walk in her room.. my heart.. I sigh and sit in the bed next to her. The doctor pulls in a crib thing for Tim and sits down blankets.
"I'm sure you have a headache. I would too honestly. If this happened to my wife.. I am extremely sorry." He sets ibprophin down on the blankets and walks out.
I turn my attention to Jamie. God he looks so much like her. She's so God damn beautiful.
I lay Tim down and curl up next to Jamie after taking the meds.
"You kill me, you know? I wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready. You better wake up, Jamie. You owe me forever. You owe me an always."
Hours pass and I keep her hand in mine while laying on her chest, listening to her heart. Tim stays asleep and I'm greatful because I don't know if I can get up right now.
Her hand lightly squeezes mine and my heart beats hard against my chest. I sit up and look at her. Her eyes flutter open slowly.
"You fucking asshole."
"I know." She chokes out. "I'm sorry."
"I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready." I feel tears fall again.
She raises her weak self enough to wipe my tears. "Don't cry."
"Little late for that Koala."
I get up and grab Tim. As I lay back down next to her, she holds him between us.
"He's beautiful."
"Timothy Jay James?"
"I like that."
After a few long minutes we are moved back to our room and everyone crowds. I coo Jamie to sleep as well. She needs her rest and as far as I'm sure, I won't be leaving her side.
"Good luck getting peed on every day." Zee laughs out.
"You better be careful. You might end up with another boy." I smirk.
"I'm not pregnant. We haven't even gone yet."
"I'm just saying."
She shrugs and sits back down. Mom offers to take Tim. She sighs.
"You're named after a hero, you know? He was a very good man and loved your mother and aunt like no others." She talks to Tim.
After a few moments he is put back down in the crib thingy. I curl closer to Jamie. I almost lost her.
I don't know when exactly but I found myself asleep for a short while. The second I heard his cry though, he was in my arms. Zee took a lift home from mom but dad stayed. He sleeps in the chair in the corner of the room. It's so quiet.
I hear the most heavenly sound.
"You're so beautiful."
Of course she would know it's a new day before she even knew the time.
"Hey, love. How are you feeling?"
"I'm alright. A bit of pain but okay."
I press the button for pain reliever without hesitation.
"Ly.."
"It's okay. You need the rest. You need to be rested so you can heal."
She sighs. After a moment she nods.
"I'm sorry." She says.
"I don't care. As long as you're alive and well, I don't care."
She smiles slightly. Her eyes close again.
"I love you, Ly."
"I love you too, Koala. I love you too."
Her hand loosens in mine as she falls asleep. I put Tim down and begin to fall asleep myself.
To the sound of her heart beating. The sound of her evening breaths. Her warmth in the small way she's holding me... I fall asleep to Jamie, my love, my wife, my soul, my heart, my Koala, my J, my everything...I fall asleep.
YOU ARE READING
The End (GxG) (Sequel to The Middle)
Romance(GxG), Lesbian content, Mature Audience, Scars and cutting, Depression, Epilepsy, Inappropriate Language, Sexual relations, LOTS... If contains lyrics from song, the band and song name will be mentioned. I do not have copywrite on any song. Final s...
