Nadine smiled when she felt James's arms wrap around her.
She had been sleeping at their home trying to rest, but since what happened, she hasn't really been able to sleep well. Her mind seems to always be on alert so she wakes up with just the smallest sound or movement.
But it was nice to know that James was home.
Nadine was planning on going back to her restless sleep--because she knew James worries with every little thing, but then James's hug tighten.
"I love you." He whispered. There was something different in his voice.
Nadine opened her eyes and turned to him, her sleepiness gone.
"James?"
But before she could see his face, he'd tighten his grip on her more and burried his face on the back of her neck. That was when Nadine confirmed he was crying.
"James? What's wrong?" Nadine asked.
She felt James shook his head against her but he didn't say anything.
"James. Please. You're scaring me. I don't think I can take another bad news right now." Nadine pleaded, again trying to turn to face him.
James wasn't one who easily cries--which was why Nadine was worried, though it wasn't the first time he did cry in front of her. He was comfortable enough to show her all of him, even his most vulnerable side.
This time, James had loosened his hold on her and let her face him.
Indeed, James has tears in his eyes but he was shaking his head, looking sheepish.
"James, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Nadine asked, still worried.
He shook his head again. "Nothing. I'm just being silly. Go back to sleep." He said.
"If it's nothing, then just tell me. I can't go back to sleep when I'm worried about you." Nadine said, now feeling more annoyed than scared, but still worried about James.
James kissed her on her forehead.
"Let's just go to sleep, love." James insisted.
This somewhat mollified Nadine, but didn't distract her.
"James, ako yung namatayan ng kapatid. Why are you the one crying?" She asked, aiming for a joking tone but not quite managing it.
It still hurts. It hurts like it was a physical pain. It probably will hurt for a long time.
James stilled at his words. And again his arms were around her, holding her so tightly Nadine almost could not breathe.
"James?" Nadine asked, her worry coming back in full force. James was acting very peculiarly.
"I saw your post just now." James said in a whisper. "I just..." He stopped and took a deep breath.
"I love you, Nadine." He said.
"I love you, too." Nadine automatically replied, still confused.
"I'm just..." James started, as if at a loss for words. This made Nadine more worried. James has always been good with words.
"I'm happy you're here." He said. "I... I was so scared just imagining it. You can't do that okay?"
He was already rambling, but Nadine listened, not interrupting him.
"I told you. Love yourself first. But if you really can't do that, then love me. Love me with all you have. And I'll love you with all of me. I already do. You know that. So you should know that if..." He stopped again. And Nadine was surprised to see that he was crying again. But still, she didn't say anything. She knew he had more to say.
"If you took your life, you'll be taking mine, too." James said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I can't live without you, Naddie. I don't even wanna think about it. Don't you ever do that. Don't even think about doing that."
Nadine didn't say anything at once. She didn't know what to say. Of all the things she said in her post, of course the line that would make the most impact on James was the bit about her almost doing it before.
"I won't." Nadine could just say. "I don't think about that anymore."
She was never good with words, but she let her heart speak, as she always does.
"I love you." She told him. "And I don't want to be away from you. If I do that, I won't be able to see you, to kiss you, to be with you so I won't ever do that."
She felt James nod against her, but he still wasn't loosening his hold on her.
"I promise I won't." Nadine said again, and James seems to be calming down now. "I can't be without you, either."
James nodded again, and finally loosened his hold on her. He kissed her on the top of her head but didn't let her go.
"I love you." He told her again. But it still felt like wasn't enough.
"I love you." Nadine said, kissing him on his neck. "I'm staying." She reiterated.
"My life is beautiful with you in it. I don't think I'll ever want to leave it." She said, honestly.
"You are my life now, Naddie. I don't know how that happened, but it's true." James said in a whisper.
Nadine wrapped her arms around him and pulled him even more closer.
"I won't ever leave you." Nadine said. "I can't."
James just nodded, burrying his face on her hair.
They fell asleep holding each other as if reassuring themselves that neighter is going away. They've tried to be strong the whole week for their family, for their friends, for their fans and especially for each other. But just for this night, in the comfort of their room and each other, they could finally take a break, remove the mask and be vulnerable.
end.
i was in a weird mood the other day. wasn't able to post cause IM rotation. lol
fave lines from Nadine's post 😊
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