LUCIFER *editing lost chapters*

Chapter 9 - C

Pain.

That is what wakes me. Dragging me from haunting memories and back into the present, which I hadn't thought I'd come back to if I'm honest. Eating that entire flower should have killed me, it should have rotted away my insides the moment it hit my stomach fluids.

Lucifer has never lost control like that before, it was like he completely let go of any reigns he was holding. All the other times he's lost control he's always made sure that I'm willing, and if I say no then he doesn't press for more. I can't let this one slip up ruin everything we've spend all month building. I just hope that I can forget what happened, I mean it doesn't seem like a big deal but I...he scared me. I feared my own mate. And what he may do to me.

Forcing my eyes open I blink rapidly trying to focus them up at the white ceiling as I realise I'm actually awake. I'm alive.

Holy shit!

Digging past the block in my mind separating me from my other half, my wolf, I feel around for her hoping to god that she's not gone. But she's a fighter, and a lot stronger than one might think.

Her presence is barely there, she's weak, and she's poorly just like before, but she's still with me and that's all that matters right now. My sole focus is her, I need to get her better before the sickness becomes too much for her to fight off.

"She's still alive, isn't she?"

I couldn't help but be slightly surprised at the sudden deep voice as I hadn't thought to even check if he was with me. But of course he is, I should have known that he has no intention to leave me whilst I'm unable to leave the bed. At least this time I'll take recovery seriously, I don't care what happens to me, I just want my wolf to live.

"Barely." Is all I say, not bothering to sit up. My throat feels dry, and extremely sore most likely from the wolfsbane burning as it went down. My lips are chapped and split, I can feel my skin tagging as I speak. I know I'm not a pretty sight, I mean there was a very high chance of me dying so I'm not going to look like Christmas morning.

"How are you feeling?" He asks me concerning more than ever. His voice alone had my gut aching, because I can almost feel just how guilty he feels.

"Fine." I respond simply.

"You don't have to hide your pain from me, Red." He painfully tells me. As much as I know he's sorry without actually having to say it, I just want to be alone.

My wolf is dying, she's never been this weak. I don't know if she's going to survive, and to be honest I don't want Lucifer near me at the moment. My wolf means everything to me, she's my other half. And she's slowly fading away.

"What do you want me to say Lucifer? Do you want me to tell you how it feels to feel like your soul is literally ripping itself in half? Do you want to know how much it fucking hurts both physically and emotionally? I can feel her fading, slowly withering away in the back of my mind, weak, barely able to stand,..and you think I give a fuck on how I feel!?" I seethe letting out a dry chuckle that held no humour.

I close my eyes no longer wanting to even see him from the corner of my eyes. "Just go."

"What?" He breathes, painfully surprised by my request. I know I'm hurting him, and I have no excuse for that other than the fact that I can feel a huge part of myself dying off and it feels like I can't do a thing.

"Go. Get out. Just leave me alone." I mutter, grabbing the light blanket covering my hips and below I pull it up to my face, and turn my head away from my mate as I let the darkness wash over me again.

Hearing him slowly walk out of the room was the most painful thing I'd ever heard. Even if I was half asleep at the time.