Brighter days [jalex]

What even is love?

Everyone of my friends has gone home for Christmas so I'm awkwardly spending my days in the same room as him but not even looking at each other. Maybe I should move on because I fucked up so much. I scroll down my contacts wondering who stayed so I can get out for a bit before deciding there's no point. I want Jack.

"Jack." I say on Christmas Eve, we was both in the living room at the same time, he came in to watch TV and I was smoking out the window, "Can I please talk to you."

"No." Jack said opening a bag of chips.

"I'm sorry I fucked this up."

"Don't care." Jack is acting as if what I did isn't bothering him but I've heard him cry, I know I've hurt him.

"I shouldn't have hurt you."

"No shit." He scoffed.

"I was just scared and drunk." I tell him still leaning out the window smoking, "Rian said apparently childhood neglect has effects on future relationships."

"So you're saying it's not your fault."

"No it's my fault."

"Glad we are on the same page there." Jacks voice was rightfully full of hatred.

"I want to prove to you that you can trust me again." I flick the ash out the window, "I would do anything. I'll tattoo Jack Barakats bitch on me if it would mean I have a second chance."

Jack laughs. A proper laugh. It was only for a few seconds and then he stops. I could tell that he was grinning slightly trying to hide it.

"I'm not going to forgive you."

"I know I don't deserve it." I really don't, "But I do really like you Jack. I'm terrified of love Jack that's why I slept with Kellin. I was drunk and scared."

"No excuse."

"I know it isn't Jack." I sigh, "I just want to be able to prove to you again. I would do anything Jack."

"Even if I would give you another chance what's the point?" He asked.

"What?"

"What's the point?" He said, "You're terrified of love so our relationship wouldn't go anywhere anyway."

"Jack..." I start not knowing what to say, "I can't deal with being alone but relationships scare me that's why I'm never committed to anyone."

"Oh well." Jack shrugged.

"I will do anything."

"But you don't love me." Jack said, "You are scared to love me and you're scared of me loving you."

"I. I..." I stutter not knowing what to say, "I don't know what to think."

"That's your problem Alex." Jack looked at me properly for the first time since I cheated, "You don't know what you feel. I can't be with someone who don't know what they want."

"I want you."

"But you don't love me." I stay silent.

I don't know if I love Jack. I might love him. What even is love?

"Do you want me to go to my parents so you have time alone?" I ask changing the subject, "I'm probably getting in your way and you would probably not want to spend your Christmas with me."

"Do what you want."

"I want to make you trust me again."

"Not happening." Jack said bluntly, "I don't care if you stay or go."

"I want to spend Christmas with you." I tell him, "But if you don't want me to I will go and give you space. I just want to give you what you need."

"I need space." Jack said after a bit of thinking, "You don't need to go if you don't want to though."

"I'm going to give you space because that's what you want." I take one last puff of the fag before dropping it out the window.

Authors note

Double update to say thanks for 1k. I'm really thirsty and at my friends house with no money. I got cheese things tho. Comment theory's and shit. I say this all the time but I love it. Me and my friend read the comments and she knows the plot and don't even read my books.

Hugs, kisses and peace ✌🏻