Brighter days [jalex]

Christmas is always hell

Christmas is always hell in my family. I don't remember ever having a decent Christmas. Okay sure I've always got what I asked for, this year I just got money like I wanted, it's just like I'm a side character in there life. If they paid no attention to me that would have been fine but no they seem to notice things like my weight and make comments on how much I'm eating. Halfway through Christmas dinner my dad decided to make another comment on me being a fag so I just got up and left without a word. I walked up to my empty shell of a room, grabbed my bag and left without saying goodbye. Why would I say goodbye to people who want me gone anyway? Why would I say bye to the people who are driving me away?

I sped back to what I think off as my real home in record time. It wasn't long before I was running up to my flat crying. I don't know why it affected me so much because I didn't care for years. Maybe because since I moved out everything has been so much better that a little bit of shit is enough to send me over the edge because I'm not used to it. Maybe it's because of everything happening with Jack and I was pushed over edge.

I knock on my door tears rolling down my face hoping Jack would open it. My keys where in the bottom of my bag but I really didn't want to get them out right now. I just wanted to be inside before anyone else saw how much of a mess I was.

"Alex?" Jack opened the door looking confused, "Why are you back?"

"Sorry I'm back early." I cry rubbing my eyes, "Family."

"Shit Alex tell me what happen?" This was the first time Jack has been nice to be since I cheated, his voice was actually caring.

"Just little digs." I mutter and Jack pulls me into his arms, "I left when my dad called me a fag. I wasn't welcome there anyway."

"It's okay Alex."

"I said I would give you space." I sniff, "I'm sorry for coming back early."

"It's okay." Jack said, "Let's sit down and we can talk."

"There's all the comments about how much I'm eating." Jack hands me a tissue, "They never liked the fact I was bi but now I'm getting older they are wanting me to get over this phase and settle down with a nice girl."

I air quote the word phase and Jack laughs.

"I'm pretty sure if being bi was a phase then you would be straight up gay." Jack laughed.

"Yeah." I smile, "I really miss you Jack. I miss just being able to talk to you."

"Hmm."

"Really Jack. I know I fucked up." I carry on, "If you don't want to give our relationship another chance I understand that but I really do want to try it again. I want to prove to you I want this."

"You don't love Alex." Jack said, "What's the point? This will never go anywhere so what's the point in trying?"

"I don't know what love is Jack."

"Talk to me when you find out." Me and Jack stay sitting near each other but not touching, neither of us say anything else, I don't know what to say, would he even listen, does he want me to say I love him?

Do I love him?

Authors note

I have a really bad cough. It's been a week and I'm still sick. Fuck my life. Anyway comment stuff.

Hugs, kisses and peace ✌🏻