Newt imagines 2

Dear diary - this is the end

Dear diary,
It's happening again! Am I just a really easy person to forget about? Harry is off in his own world, worrying and stressing over Lizzie and the child. I guess I shouldn't blame him, it must be horrible to know your ex has a child with only her word to stop it being his.
I pray each and every night it's not his, I can't lose him, especially after choosing him.... I will emit though, been a while since seeing Thomas, everyday I wake up wondering how he's getting on with his crutches. How many ornaments he's broken yet and how our empty house is getting on. I hope that Ava empties out the fridge, otherwise that place is going to be crawling with rats and a horrible smell.
Anyway were was I? Oh yes! Harry.
In all honesty diary I'm a terrible person, I say I've chosen, I tell myself I've chosen but really I'm dragging them along as well as you. I have only ever turned to you when I was lonely, I don't think I've ever written to tell you about a good day.
I'm sorry.

I came back from work, Harry was sat at the table, his hair brushed over in all angles, a pen between his lips sucking on the end, over a piece of paper. Numbers and words all over it, I never bothered with his paperwork and he left me to mine, an invisible contract between us. Except this time. I curl my arms round his waist crawling them up his chest. "Hey."
"Hi y/n." He smiled, trying to concentrate still.
"You alright?" I peck his cheek lying my head on his back.
"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I looked down at his paper, there wasn't a single pen mark on it, he wasn't thinking about work, it was something entirely different. Hopefully not a certain baby.
"You'll never guess who my new patient is." I say squeezing him tighter.
"Y/n please I'm not in the mood." He pushed my arms off him, just as Thomas had.
I tried to fake a smile, tried to remain happy but it's always harder than you think, his words felt like my heart had been pierced with a skewer, the butcher plunging it in softly and slowly, easing it out.
I take a seat next to him. "She's a three year old Dalmatian." He looked up at that, our eyes glistening with droplets of salty water. The memory of Olly scampering round our feet, his little wet nose tickling our toes. In Harry's eyes I saw his sadness and no thought of the child, his eyes wasn't fogged over staring straight through me. No, this time he was actually looking at me, his eyes filled with love.
He grabbed my hand intertwining our fingers. "It's been a while since we watched a movie hasn't it." He picked me up, still dressed in my work clothes and carried us over to the sofa.

Dear diary,
It's too late. I've only got two months left then I'm out, with nowhere to go. All that effort for a good qualification was a waste, I'm going to end up on the streets anyway. I need to look for a house to rent but I don't want to live with a stranger, that only ever seems to go bad.
I'm still pulling you around on the end of a rope, I'll fix it up when I get a house.

Harry was nowhere to be seen. "Harry babe?" I call out dropping my work bag on the floor and kicking off my shoes. Normally he was here, in the kitchen working. Where could he be? I check in the lounge, he's not there, I creep upstairs into the bedroom, the room looked empty if it wasn't for a tuft of dark hair on the far side of the bed. There was a loud sniffle, like a small child crying. "Harry?" I whisper tip toeing round the bed, he was slumped against the bed, his eyes red and a tissue crumpled up and fraying with snot and water. I fell to my knees at his side, throwing my arms around him. "Harry, babe what's wrong?" He broke down into more tears, crying away on my shoulder. "I love you so much."
"Harry that's not reason to cry. What's wrong?" I pull out the hug, holding his face up in my hands. "Look at me."
His head was lolling around like he was drunk, his eyes looking anywhere but me. "Harry!" His eyes snapped onto mine, his head holding straight.
"It's Lizzie, her husband demanded a DNA test for the child and turns out it wasn't his or Owen's child."
I dropped his face, my hands shaking like a spasm attack. A lonely drip of love rolling down my face. "What?" I gasped. I sat on the floor my mind a blur to everything around me.
"She is getting a divorce and wants me to go down and be a Dad.... But I don't want to leave you." He said through the onslaught of tears. "I love you."
"Don't go." I whisper, I knew it was selfish but I had some right to keeping my man. Didn't I?
"I have to, this is my mess, I have to solve it." He wiped away the tears, his hand caressing my cheek, his thumb trailing along my cheek bone and poking my nose.
"But she has treated you like shit." He was going to give up his whole life for a mess up with one sperm. How was he supposed to believe a single word she said? But he was going to turn a blind eye for a three month child. I wanted him.
He sat there thinking about it our love flowing between the connection of our eyes, his burning deep into mine so I would never forget. "I guess that's my punishment. To spend the rest of my life dreaming of what we could have been." I broke down into his chest screaming at him not to leave me, he was mine, he said he was. "I'll leave early in the morning, so we don't have to say goodbye. I've stopped paying the rent but I've given you two months to find somewhere else. Y/n look at me.... Promise me you won't go back to Thomas..." I hadn't even thought of the young, cute actor. I can imagine he will be overjoyed to hear this. It was his dream, I suppose it's good that someone gets happiness out of this because for sure it wasn't me or Harry.
"You'll look like a fool in the media and to yourself if you get back with your ex."
"Isn't that what your doing?" I sniffled.
"Just promise me."
I nod my head.
That night we lay on his bed, my head on his chest, his arms wrapped round me tight, this would be the last time we would ever hold each other. I breathed in his scent, logging it in my data base, I stared up at his fine features, created by the true artist in God, logging those too. I never want to forget him.
The plan to never fall asleep so I would never have to wake up and find him gone, but I was a failure.