Newt imagines 2

I tried so hard, and yet I failed -pt7

I flushed the last of my chemo through my system, the only thing I was actually glad about. We packed up our bags and left.
Billie was sat in his wheelchair in the hallway watching me go. His leg was wrapped in a thick brace and protruded out directly in front of him, he looked like he should be signing up for jousting. There was something different about him as he sat there staring with his borwn beady little eyes. "Where are you going?" Billie asked, wheeling closer to me. Looking at his brace drove me wild, I would have had that. I should have had that. I glared at him, and I noticed what was different, He had a soft layer of brown hair growing out of his scalp. I gritted my jaw, a fire building up inside of me. I couldn't explain my sudden hatred for the boy, but I wished we could swap places, I wished he could die instead of me. "I told you." I snapped. "Your going to live, I'm going to die." I shook my head and walked on, I can't believe I'm jealous of a little cancer boy, I bet many can't say that.
Billie frowned, and wheeled behind me to the exit, his leg constantly crashing into stuff. "Fuck off Billie!" I lashed out at him, shoving his chair. He skidded backwards across the hallway. "Have fun living." I yelled at him, and stuck my middle finger up at the whole place. What a waste of time this had all been! And it had been agony.

We went home bolted the door, pulled down the blinds firmly and sat in the darkness. No one could say a word, there was nothing to say. My parents were fuming that i refused the surgery and i was fuming they wanted me to have the surgery. However they insisted on being close to me! They even moved their mattress to my bedroom floor. My privacy didn't seem to exist to them, they hardly let me shower without having them in the room.
One morning, very early morning, stupid o'clock Maddie called it, I got up, my parents in an unconscious state on my floor. I picked up my glasses from the bedside table and my crutch from the end of the bed, I helped myself to the last of the quality street for breakfast, stashing any I left into my pockets, they would be my lunch and headed for the door.
The sun had hardly risen yet, its dawn rays creeping over the roofs of the houses, the chimneys' shadows reaching out for me in the doorway. I shut the door not bothering to get a key and started my walk to the bus stop. It was only a short walk, one I used to make twice everyday, but now... it took me double the time.
Luckily i made it in time for the bus, my leg sore and my arm shattered.
"How long is it to the furthest stop?" I asked the driver, who looked at me weirdly, everyone was looking at me on the bus with inquisitive faces, and anyone getting the bus at this time of morning was not normal.
"Err, an hour and fifty." The driver said, his hands hovering over the ticket machine, hesitant on whether to give me one or not.
"I'll have a single ticket to there then please." I say.
I took my ticket and hobbled my way to the back, having to use the handles, the ones for people to stand, to walk there. No one said a word they just all stared at me in disbelief... I guess many people haven't seen a child in her last couple of months.
I rested my leg - the one with the tumour - on the seat opposite, put some headphones in and settled down for the journey. I pulled my hat off. My reflection smiled back at me, it was still a different person, the old me consumed, but this relfection was gorgeous. She had hair! No thicker than the width of my middle finger, but it was gorgeous hair that covered her whole head, darker than before, but it was lushous and soft. I had hair on my arms too, short little stumps that were growing out for the first time, they were on my legs as well, and I had unshaven armpits. It was the new gorilla me. I sighed and wiped off the condensation on the window. There was no point looking, she would be gone soon, all anyone would see is a wooden box so why does it matter how pretty she is, or how much hair she has.
I was the last one off the bus, in a part of the city I never knew existed, it had dark gothic houses and cobbled streets the light had clearly not touched in a long time. No plants grew other than the weeds in the pavements. A dog barked off to the right, I flashed my eyes that way, it was another lifeless street. I began to walk down the middle of the road in the opposite direction. I seemed to merge with this lifeless place, the new streets felt like I knew them. I was walking down, when one of the house's curtains pulled back, I couldn't help but pause and stare. Staring back at me was a girl, younger than me but not by much, she had dark eyes that blended in with the place but she had a pale bald scalp that stood out like a swan in a sea of coal. Another cancer patient, I told myself. I turned around and walked down a different street off to the side.