Newt imagines 2

My heart had never felt such pain

Hi guys this is very rough and rushed but I read the idea behind this online somewhere about how we never leave a fandom even when we think we have. This was kind of scary to write because one day this will be most of us. This day is inevitable and I am dreading it.

I pulled into our small driveway, almost running over the plastic truck on the concrete ground. "Bloodyhell." I cursed, the kids never listened, I told them to clean this up when I left.
I grabbed my bags out the back and headed inside. My husband waiting in the kitchen, his face very gentle, almost afraid. "Hey darling." I smiled giving him a small kiss and started to make myself a coffee. The smell of the new packet relaxed me. "You know the boys have left their trucks all over the driveway."
I paused and turned to my husband, he was sat at the table, looking up at me with sorry eyes.
"What's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?" I giggled slightly, happy to be home, happy to be with him.
I took my coffee and sat in the chair text to him, turning to face him. "Have you heard the news?"
I shook my head. "What is it? Terrorist?"
He shuffled round taking my hand in his, giving it a small kiss. "You know your childhood secret."
I laughed. "I have loads of them." He smiled sadly, it made my heart race. What was wrong? What had happened? My bottom lip wobbled a little and the butterflies swarmed into my stomach.
"The one about your fandom." He said slowly, almost timidly.
I jumped up shutting the door to the rest of the house. "Shhh! You know I don't want the kids knowing that!" I returned to him, really interested now. We never spoke of my teenage fandom for my embarrassment and his jealousy.
"Thomas Brodie-Sangster died today, y/n."
I nodded and stood up abruptly, walking over to the kitchen sideboard. I turned on the tap and washed my hands. "Was it a bike accident?"
I heard his footsteps behind me, standing just a little away. "Cancer."
I nodded drying my hands. My eyes were pounding and I didn't know what to say or how to react. I thought the fandom had ended years ago, turns out I never escaped the fandom. "I'll be in the car, there's stuff in the fridge for dinner."
"Y/n!" My husband said trying to snatch me. I know he wants me to cry on him, but this had been before us, before the kids, before work. Thomas Brodie Sangster had filled the better part of my life with joy.
"Why the car?" He said following me as I picked up the keys.
"I want to listen to the radio." I said feeling dead inside. This was the man I used to flick through thousands of pictures on Instagram to see a new photo, waiting forever to hear a new movie he was to feature in, I used to spend half my life watching YouTube videos of him, and every time he would make me smile and laugh. No one has ever done that to me, made me feel so in love just through a picture, not even my husband. We've been married for 8 years.
"We've got a radio here!" My husband yelled after me as I left the house. I slowly slipped into the car, as though a small jolt would make me explode.
I turned on the radio and listened in silence for the news to come on. I shivered and sweated as I held onto the driving wheel. I wasn't going anywhere; there was no where to go. I had no special place here. I had no special place with Thomas, in fact I had never met him, but my love had been so strong. So strong I was never interested in dating until I was almost twenty.
Then the music for the news came, and the cheerful voice of the reporter.

Lung cancer.

I leant my head onto the steering wheel and the ocean overwhelmed me. I cried clutching to the wheel. I balled my eyes out. A huge part of my life, gone. One of the most gorgeous men I had ever seen, dead.

After a good ten minutes of pure crying I began to wipe away the salt. I unlocked my phone and went straight to Instagram putting in the hashtag in the search bar and swept through photos of him growing through the ages, other fangirls with mascara running down cheeks. There were pictures of him a Jojen, Newt, Whitey, the little boy from love actually Sam, oh he made my heart explode. His adorable little face. And knowing that he had had his first ever kiss in that movie made me want to scream with cuteness. 
I saw a recent picture of him, it was him and his family. His new family, his wife, children and grandchildren. I hadn't heard anything of him in years, I had completely missed all of this out. I knew he had a wife, well I assumed he had a wife, and kids. He stroked over his face, he looked so young as ever, his lucky baby face. Good I loved him still after years of trying to break away.
I knew his birthday. I watched every movie he started in. I could recognise his voice in any animation. He would never know I existed.
There was a knock on the window, scaring the life out of me. I yelped shutting off my phone, clutching it to my chest. My little boy was at the window, smiling at his mum. I opened the door wiping my eyes. God I hope he didn't see my phone.
"Mummy..." He started, he was young but not stupid, he knew something was wrong. "What's wrong mummy?"
I shook my head and faked a smile, my lips covered in saliva and tears. "Nothing sweetie."
He didn't look convinced.
"Would you like to go into the garage and get mummy the cardboard box labelled movies?" I asked him. I knew he always loved going into the garage, he nodded frantically. "Remember to be careful ok? This is a big boys job."
Thankfully he ran off.
With any luck I might be able to find his movies. I need a Thomas Sangster movie marathon.

I began to cry again. My heart had never felt such pain.