I question what I can do
not by what others can do
but my own skills compared to the world standards
I am not overly smart
I cannot hold a candle to artists my age
I cannot stand out
I feel as if that I am lost
and wandering
But
Not all those who wander are lost
so I must carry on I suppose.
Not knowing what exactly makes me different, because it can never be proven to me through words.
I suppose that I will need someone to prove I am indeed different
but who can do that besides me?
It has been four years that I have told myself I am not worthy of anything good.
It has been four years that I have welcomed the fact that I am not special.
It has been four years that I have been knowing that no insults can hurt me because I have said them all to myself before, tenfold than what others have said.
It has been four years since I have first started to be resigned to the dark thoughts.
Those dark thoughts are not like a monster that rise from under the bed, but from the days, where I meet with others, and watch their skills.
There is always doubt in my mind when I see other people.
There is always envy.
My reaction and defense to all of this is to simply acknowledge that I am lower than trash anyways, so what does it matter?
I am low.
It has been four years since that first thought has made its way to my mind.
And for four years, it has stayed.
And for four years, I never questioned it.
And for four years, I have agreed with it.
