I can't sleep tonight, maybe because my nose is stuffed up, or maybe because I'm wondering what I feel for an old friend.
I feel as if before we were both dragged down by life, and I was a strong pillar for them. I never held myself up. We made stories, and memories, those stories set me straight, became something I looked for and craved for. Those stories were my first mistake.
I relied on those stories. Instead of myself. So i drowned in non ending loneliness, and self pity.
Now, i've learned to love and rely on myself, do things for myself. Who else will be there for me if i fall? Who's been there for me since the start? Myself of course.
I have me. I battle with myself as an ally against the world.
Yet, now, that old friend has been caught by the old.
I don't know what to say, because it's an old drill i've been through before.
Do i need to distance myself lest i fall back into a depth unknown again sprung up from words i start considering?
Oh old friend, i wish to be of help. Stand by yourself too. There's nothing i can do anymore. I can be there, to answer your questions, and be there to try and help you. I can be there if you need someone to speak to, but i cannot be the one there for you at all times.
It's surreal how well i knew you.
It's surreal how well i do not know you but know you at the same time.
I am not any emotion besides the one that wishes you the best.
Those are the words i'd like to say to that old friend, who i always look at fondly.
I think tonight, i'll be awake for a while.
