I can't tell if time wants me to let go of him.
The time I spent with him laughing, loving, living.
The time I'm not sure will ever come back.
I can't tell if I want to let him go.
Let him fade away from my mind and my heart, his voice something I hear only on the occasional drunk dial.
I don't want him to come back, and me not love him as much.
I want to keep loving him.
So why can't I?
He's gone.
Far away to a place I can't follow, but I know there's a chance to see him still. The desperate hope that he'll come back and I'll be able to love him just like before. Even more than before.
But that place is far, too long ahead in time that I couldn't be sure of anything now.
I don't want to let him go, but will I be able to keep holding on?
To keep hurting?
My fingers draw his jawline into the outline of the phone in front of me. It lights up to show him.
Unchanged, but distant.
Would anyone be able to love me as much as he did?
My eyes close and a tear falls.
This uncertainty of love falls.
I can only hold on to desperate hope, until someone throws me the saving lifeline, and I am thrown back into the waters of uncertain love.
