I walk into Andentellica. The doors are open to me, the baristas just getting to their dorms in the back room. The new year is beginning. Only one other human sits with me upstairs, on the upper level of my bed. He sits, doesn't speak, just stays. When I look at him, his face is a blur. I can't point out his features, and I can't pinpoint what he sounds like. But, he feels like home.
"Sangroy? Is that you?" I ask, hands reaching out to his face.
The man sits. Without answer, but his hands come up to meet mine, and I know.
He isn't Sangroy, not anymore. He isn't anyone. Just like a dream using your intuition to frame the context, my heart and mind tell me he's the one. The one who loves me. The one who I love with my being. My soulmate.
I feel tired. The past year building upon my shoulders. Days of tears on end. Days of mindlessly walking about with no idea where I was going. Countless months working until I couldn't do anything but be sick and live on. Countless people lost to me. Countless loves disappeared.
My body is sore, weariness drawing me into the fetal position on the bed. I've lost what I thought was my identity. I've lost what I thought was what made me into the person people see. Lost what made what i thought made life worth living.
A warm hand places itself on my shoulder, then arms wrap around me and a chest presses against my back. Music plays gently in the background, and his voice wraps around my shattered mentality.
I have lost, but I have gained. His words remind me of those that supported me. Those that no matter the change I made, still sat after school with me. Reminds me that I met people I wouldn't have before and tells me they love me just a little bit as much as he does.
His kiss on the cheek reminds me that I'm not alone.
The ones I lost now watching over me. The ones who stood by me still singing to me, the ones who loved me still making sure I stood tall.
His touches bring me to a normal position, head against his chest. When he rests his head on top of mine, he reminds me that I have grown.
I have learned more of who I am, now that what I thought made me worthwhile hidden behind a new profile. I have figured out just what makes me happy. The countless hours just working on my own self, hours spent sweaty and surrounded by friends. Hours spent bonding with new people, hours spent on toning just what it meant to be who I am.
I'm barely sure what I write now, but I know what I mean, if only a little bit.
This new year is nothing new, something to be feared, but it won't be where I'm alone. Even if I don't get that many text messages, even though I haven't found my soulmate yet. I'm not alone. I know he's out there, in my dreams, holding on to the same hope as me. I know who watches over me, and I know I'm safe. I'll be scared, I'll be sad, but I won't be alone. Never.
