Lucid Dreaming

16

Even though Ethan and I have been physically close, he's been distant lately.

He stays in his room instead of coming down to watch movies with my mom and I which sucks because all my mom does is freak out and act like Im gonna die right then and there.

He stayed close with me until a couple nights ago. I started to cough up more blood, but it was worst. It was a dark red mixed with brown.

Ethan got so scared but then he started to feel it. We've both been sick ever since that night which is starting to make me think that this is a sign our plain is getting worse and worse.

Ethan has a schedule with his doctor at 2:00pm on Monday, that's two days away. That day, I'm going to die. I'm going to die for Ethan. I have to?

I told my doctor this and he said that if this is my choice, it will take away all Ethans pain and memory of me.

No, I'm not ready to die, but id die in a heart beat for Ethan.

____

"Hey." I knocked on the bedroom door, peaking my head in.

Ethan's eyes quickly glanced up as he turned his phone off.

"Hi Gabby." He sent me a soft smile.
"What are you up to?" I closed his door and walked over to his bed.

I sat down and wrapped one of his throw blankets around my body.

"Not really feeling well." His face drooped.
"Do you want me to get you anything?" I asked him.
"No, I just want you." He wrapped his arms around me and I fell onto his chest. I was so warm bundled up in his arms, he makes me feel so safe.

After a while of laying down in silence, soaking each other in, Ethan let out a giant sigh.

"What?" I aimed my eyes up towards his.
"I don't want this to end... ever." He complained.
"Trust me, I don't either." I put my head back down into his chest.

"This is so fucking unfair. Why do one of us have to die? We are both such good people and our lives have to be shit like this!" His voice became angry.

"It's okay, Ethan. We will find a way back to each other. I promise." I brought my hand onto his neck and kissing his cheek softly.

-MONDAY-

Today is the day. Today's the day I'm sacrificing myself so Ethan can live a long normal life without me, without remembering I exist.

I believe that somehow, one day we will find our way back.

But for right now, I have to be fearless as for what is going to happen to me. I need to do it for him. I'm going to do it for him.

"So class, what does M get you?" The teacher turned towards the board.

While he was facing away I swung my backpack across my back and sped walked out the door.

I pushed the school doors open and got in my car to go home.

The only thing I'm gonna regret about this is leaving my mom. She's gonna walk in and see me dead in an hour.

Ethan, he won't remember me after a couple of minutes after I'm dead. It's good for him. I think.

I opened the door to my house, setting my bag down onto the kitchen counter. I walked into my moms bathroom and searched her drawers for a razor.

"Where are you hiding?" I mumbled as I scrambled through her products.

"Ah ha!" I held up an purple razor. I took out the blades from the razor and held them into my hands. I felt my heart start beating fast. You have to gabby.

I walked out of her room and made my way up the stairs. My heart started slowing down due to nervousness as I approached the bathroom. I slowly walked in and shut the door behind me.

I sat myself into the bathtub; my breathing got heavy. I fiddled with the blade that was in my hand, scared of how bad this was going to hurt.

I'd never be one to hurt myself or commit suicide, but here I am.

I took heavy breaths in and out closing my eyes shut tightly. My hand held the blade next to my wrist as I pressed down slowly.

My body jolted at the sound of something falling in another room.

_____

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