In The Gaslight🔥

Perception

I look into the mirror,
but I do not see...
No matter how hard I try,
I never really see me —

Temporary blindness
coupled with being numb always suffice —
Defense mechanisms you're unaware of,
in your profoundly wounded life.

My wavelength has only crossed a few others,
but never truly met...
The aching yearn that I feel,
so desperately to connect.

Silent countenance settles,
yet burns through the air.
The clock's racing tick
marks nothing but despair —

The heavily weighted tendrils hang uselessly,
tugging at my soul...
My heart splutters valiantly,
too young to feel so old.

Knowing the difference
between envy and strife...
Blurred are the lines of distinction,
of the confusion in my life —

Sometimes I think it better,
if I just bow my head and go...
Be the coward that I am,
and float to a place unknown.

For love is the cruelest mirage,
detached from any fate...
I've run out of time,
no longer can I wait.

Enemies are too bountiful,
often disguised as family or friends...
No one can soothe the sting of that,
or ever make amends.

How will I feel in the bitter,
gilded morning light?
Other than obsolete,
unable to set anything right.

Hope is the placebo we swallow for the cure.
Dormant is the malignancy,
of what we once were.

It's sad that all I have are these words
to complete me...
They fill some of the lonely space inside
that's so desolate and empty.

I've learned that affection costs dearly...
Nothing is ever truly free.
Buried is the simple kindness,
borne of our humanity.

But deception is a lover,
that we often kiss...
Smoldering embers remain,
cruelly taunting true love's pure bliss.

So here I am,
shrouded, stagnant,
threadbare and weary...
The sun shines down,
but the view from my window is always dreary.

If I could ever change or rewrite my story,
I'd edit out the anticipation of true love, fame, or glory —

And in their place
I'd replace the fiction with reality...
Because then, and only then...
Maybe...
I could finally see me.