Can We Try That?

The Interview

TW: Panic attacks and Mentions of self-harm

Evan's POV

I looked at myself in the mirror. 

My hair was gelled back neatly. I was wearing tan khakis with a dark blue long-sleeved shirt.  

I tugged one of my sleeves down. My fingers brushed over a new scar and I hissed. The newfound energy I'd had only days ago had vanished. I no longer had an appetite. I visited Connor everyday, hoping to see at least a little movement. 

He always stayed still.

I had started cutting again. Almost everyday I would press the blade to my skin and bleed. When I couldn't cut, I would pick at the scars or scratch my arms.

Nobody noticed.

I'm sure some of my friends got suspicious though.

Leo noticed that I had started to wear long-sleeves again. It was getting colder outside and normally it wouldn't be unusual to wear shirts like that. Except, I had only worn long-sleeves to hide my scars the first time I started cutting. He took away the razors. With some of my own money I had bought my own. I had hidden them.

Whenever I hung out with Jared he would watch me like a hawk. Always seeing what I was doing or hearing what I was muttering. I'm pretty sure he reported this to Leo and Mom.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and focused. Today, I had an interview at Starbucks. So far it was the only place to call me back. I couldn't screw this up. I needed to start saving my own money for college. Every little bit helped. Plus, the job would get me out of the house. It would give me something else to do other than cry, cut, and visit Connor.

I smoothed non-existent wrinkles out of my shirt. I could feel my anxiety squeeze my lungs, making it harder to breathe. My heart picked up speed. Tears drippped down my face. I could feel myself sink to the ground. Thoughts raced through my head.

What if Connor never wakes up? What if you don't get this job? What if you accepted into college but can't pay? What if all your friends leave you because your're such a burden? What if Connor wakes up but he hates you?

What if, what if, what if.

I heard a voice call my name. 

"Evan? Evan are you okay?" They asked. I couldn't see them through my blur of tears.

"It's okay Evan I'm here. Breathe with me. In for four out for four." The person repeated over and over. After a while, my heartbeat stopped sounding like a firing rifle. I could easily breathe again. My tears were dried and gone. I looked around and found Leo kneeling next to me.

"What happened?" He asked me. I gulped before saying,

"I-I'm just really w-worried a-about this i-interview." 

"You're gonna do great. All you have to do is answer their questions honestly and hope for the best. Just believe in yourself." Leo told me as he helped me off the ground. I looked in the mirror one last time. Satisfied with what I saw, I turned to face Leo.

"T-Thank you so m-much. F-For everything." I whispered as I hugged him. I pulled away and put on my shoes. The two of us walked out of my room. I grabbed my coat and put it on. I was just about to leave when Leo asked,

"Where do you think you're going?"

"T-To my i-interview." I said as I turned the doorknob.

"Evan, I know you like to be independent, but I'm driving you there. It's freezing out. You just had a panic attack. Also, I paid a lot of money for this car. We're using it." He told me as he put on his coat and grabbed his keys. I shrugged and followed him outside to his car.

During the short drive to Starbucks, Leo blasted songs from musicals to make me feel better.

"Close your eyes Whizzer!" Leo sang.

"PASSION DIES!" I screeched. "But I'd kill for that thrill of first...love."

We pulled in front of the Starbucks. I felt nauseous. I could see that my hands had started shaking as I unbuckled my seatbelt.

"C-Can you w-wait h-here for me?" I asked Leo.

"Of course! Now go in there and blow us all away!" He told me. I frowned.

"You j-just had to m-mention the song w-where Phillip gets s-shot." I said as I opened the door. Cold air filled the car as Leo laughed. I hopped out and slammed the door shut. Walking up to the door, I could feel my whole body start to tremble. Remember Evan, in for four out for four, I told myself. 

I pulled open the door. A wave of warm, coffee scented air hit me as I walked into the store. I had no clue what to do now. So, I decided to ask a barista. Wouldn't I be cutting the line if I walked right up there though? That's how I wound up standing in line.

"Next please!" The barista shouted. I walked up and glanced at the menu.

"Can I-I get a green tea p-please?" I asked. 

"Sure. Anything else?" The short barista questioned. I took a deep breath.

"I h-handed in a job a-application a-a few days ago. A-Another barista told m-me to come b-back t-today for an i-interview. I have n-no c-clue what I s-should do." I admitted. The woman gave me a kind smile.

"After you get your tea you can sit down and relax. Someone will call you back in a few minutes." She told me.(I don't know if this is how job interviews actually work. I've never had one, I'm too young. And I don't feel like asking my parents. Sorry if it's inaccurate!)

"Name?" She asked.

"E-Evan." I said. I gave her a ten. I put my change in the tip jar. She smiled at me before calling out,

"Next please!"

After a few minutes of waiting, I got my tea. I sat down by a window and tried to calm down. I pushed my thoughts out of my head as I sipped my tea and stared at the trees.

"Evan? Evan Hansen?" Someone asked. I turned around and saw an employee with a clipboard. I grabbed my tea and walked over.

"I-I'm Evan H-Hansen." I told them.

"Follow me." They said as they turned on their heel. I followed them to a room in the back. We sat down at a table. The interview had begun.

*Le Time skip brought to you by a story I would like to tell you in my little note at the end. Stay tuned!*

"I-I sucked! I did a-awful!" I wined as Leo pulled out of the parking lot. He shook his head and told me,

"No, you did not! I bet you did wonderful! You're just too hard on yourself." I sighed and stared out the window. Can I please get the job? Or any job?

Can something in my life go right for once?

Why hello there readers! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Instead of procrastinating and writing this at 11 at night, I did this earlier! I feel so proud! At the same time I feel like this chapter sucks. Anyway, here's the story I wanted to tell you. So, as all of you know, I love DEH. Seeing bootlegs or listening to the album just doesn't compare to seeing it live. This year for Christmas, the top thing on my list was tickets to go see DEH. I had talked about it with my parents before and we had actually looked at tickets. One day when I was looking I saw some great seats on the 28th of February. I showed my mom and she told me she'd think about it. But, she had told me not to expect tickets on Christmas. And then not too long ago, she told me she'd thought about getting tickets to see it over Easter break. I was super pumped. Still, a part of me wished to get tickets on Christmas. So it's Christmas Day and I'm unwrapping presents with the fam. I unwrap the script book. I really wanted it so I was super happy. I'm about to put it to the side when my mom is like,

"Let me see that."

So she's flipping through it and a slip of paper falls out. I'm thinking it's a receipt my parents forgot to take out. I pick it up. I read it. It's a receipt. For tickets on February 28th. I still can't belive that that actually happened. AAAHHHHHH! Well, thank all of you so much for reading! I love you guys!

-Cronch