Can We Try That?

Half-Dead Brother and Gay Lover

TW: Mentions of self-harm and abuse

Evan's POV

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I turned my head and saw Zoe standing behind me.

"Evan?" She says. I can't speak. I can't breathe. My unspoken words choke me and I gasp for air. Zoe rubs my back, drawing squares to help me calm down.

I can breathe again. I tried to speak, but Zoe shushed me.

"Just breathe right now. You can tell me in a minute." She whispered. I nodded and kept breathing. I glanced at my arm and saw the blood.

Most of it is dried and crusted. But some of it still flows and drips off my arm. I squeezed my eyes shut, blinking away more tears. My words come easier to me now and I can finally say what I need to.

"Z-Zoe w-why are you a-awake?" I asked.

"I heard sobbing. When I looked around I saw you weren't there." She explained. Zoe helped me stand up, and I realized that we had been sitting on the floor that whole time.

"Let's get you cleaned up first. Then we can have a serious talk." She told me as she turned on the sink. Water rushed out of the faucet and washed away the blood that had dripped in there. She gently pulled my arm over and stuck it under the water. I sucked in a breath.

Zoe kept on washing away the blood. She left my arm there as she searched under the sink for something. When she came back up, I could see a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a box of bandages in her hand.

Zoe turned off the faucet and screwed the rubbing alcohol's cap off.

"This is going to hurt." She warned before gently pouring it over my arm. I bit back a scream as more tears rolled down my face. After what felt like centuries, she screwed the cap back on. She wadded up some toilet paper and dabbed the cuts with it. Zoe finally placed some bandages on. She led me out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.

"Spill." She whispered as she leaned against the counter. I felt my palms start to sweat. I rubbed them off on my pants and started fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

"W-Well, um, I woke up a l-little while a-ago I-I guess? And I-I threw u-up. B-But t-then all t-the voices in m-my head c-came back. And u-um. Y-Yeah. You k-know." I admitted as I avoided Zoe's eyes. I tensed as I felt her arms wrap around me.

"What were the voices saying Evan?"She questioned before pulling away. Zoe held tightly onto my hands and stared into my eyes.

"I u-uh..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It was a stupid question." She muttered.

"N-No! Uh, I u-uh. I k-kept hearing them t-talk about Connor. W-What he w-would've b-been doing and a-all that." I admitted. Zoe's face softened and tears began to sparkle in her eyes.

"B-But then they r-reminded m-me that h-he's i-in a-a coma. That h-he was h-he's half dead. A-And it's a-all b-because of m-me." I choked out. I looked at Zoe again and saw tears streaming down her face.

"Evan, it's not your fault. Did you hand him those pills?" She asked.

"N-No." I whispered as I wiped my face.

"Did you tell him to try and kill himself?" She questioned, her voice growing louder and more passionate.

"No." I told her.

"Nobody told him to take the pills and try to overdose on them." Zoe said. We both stood there in the kitchen crying in silence.

"Evan, I know what you're going through is hard-"

"H-How do you k-know? Everybody s-says that, but h-how do t-they know?" I exclaimed as I stepped away. She stood there in shock. Her shock quickly turned to anger.

"How do I know? Because for years I would cut myself almost every day! All the pressure and the abuse and the yelling was just too much!" She exclaimed as she rolled up her sleeve. Her arms were covered in scars. Not large, obvious scars like mine or Connor's. They were tiny, barely visible scars. In the pale moonlight streaming through the window I could see them perfectly.

"I-I never noticed. Z-Zoe, I..."

"I never really wanted anyone to notice. Of course a part of me wanted someone to reach out their hand and help me through what was going on. But nobody did. So I acted perfect. I got perfect grades, was the perfect child, acted so happy and like nothing was wrong." Zoe told me, a sad smile on her face. Silence settled over us again.

"I r-really m-miss him. So m-much." I muttered.

"So do I. All of this because of my half dead brother and your gay lover." Zoe joked, trying to lighten the mood. I couldn't help but giggle. Just then, Michael walked into the kitchen.

"I heard the word gay. What's up? Why are you guys crying?"" Michael questioned as he put on his glasses. Zoe and I glanced at each other.

"Its a long story." She explained.

"I've got time." He told us.

"WHAT THE FUCK JARED!" Someone screamed from the living room. I let out a sigh of relief.

"W-Whoops, gotta g-go c-check that out." I said as I slowly walked out of the room, Zoe following behind me. Michael glared, but eventually followed us.

I was not expecting to see what I saw. Jared, still in his meme outfit, was being chased by Megan around the apartment.

"GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!" She screeched as she tackled him to the ground. They both fell onto an air matress and wrestled for the device. It looked like Jared was about to win, but then Megan kicked both of his shins with her heel.

"SHIT!" Jared yelled as Megan pulled her phone away.

"What just happened?" Jeremy yawned as he woke up.

"I d-don't h-have a ferning c-clue." I told him. Megan looked up at us, dead serious and said,

"I was reading a really good fan fiction." Julia snorted. I shook my head.

Maybe they would notice.

Maybe they would miss me.

Yo. Sorry it's kinda late, I was procrastinating. I hope you like it though! I probably won't be updating tomorrow because I have another band concert and dance. If any of you are wondering, the concert would pretty good today. School still sucks though, nothing new there. I just want the week to be over so I can sleep. Oh! I would like to give a special shout out to my friend Julia, AKA jimmytaketheshot, for getting into Hamilton! I don't think she's listened to the super sad stuff, so get ready for the tears Julia! One more thing. So What If It's Us is getting close to 2k reads and I wanted to do a little special something. Maybe a special one shot? I have a few ideas. Tell me what you think! Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Love all of you so much!

-Cronch

For Julia!

1776, New York City...