Can We Try That?

Another Session / The Tree

TW: Homophobia and suicide attempts

Evan's POV

I stared at my beat up shoes as Dr. Sherman ranted on.

"It's the way everyone should be! Liking anyone else except for your opposite gender is foolishness. I have sent people to therapy in the past and it worked. They were normal again. Do I need to send you there? Are you listening to me?" He yelled as he got close to my face. I nodded as hot tears fell down my cheeks. He nodded and continued to rant on.

I blocked out his voice. You only have to suffer a little bit more until you can leave. Until you won't have to come back for a few days. Until you can visit Connor. My heart kicked up when I thought about him. I clung to the hope that Connor would wake up soon. The thought was the only thing that kept me going.

After a little while longer, the dull buzz of Dr. Sherman's voice stopped. I looked around and realized he was at his desk, writing something down. I let out a quiet sigh of relief as I grabbed my coat, put it on, and practically sprinted to the door. I had just turned the knob when Dr. Sherman told me,

"Evan, I have an assignment for you. Write a letter to yourself everyday of this week. Talk about how you're feeling and what you're thinking. You can go."

I scurried out of the room and down the hallway. I slowed my pace. As I passed Angelica's desk, I flashed her a fake smile and waved. She waved back. 

I hurried outside and stopped only when I reached the parking lot. I looked around for Leo's car, or any car I recognized. Nothing. I smiled and walked down the sidewalk. I had told Leo that Alana would be picking me up and I probably wouldn't be home until late. That was a complete lie. I just wanted some time alone to think in the fresh air.

Maybe he'll be awake? He'll open his eyes and tell you how sorry he is. How much he loves you.

I scoffed at my foolishness. I clung to the hope that he would be awake, but I was slowly giving up.

Connor is never going to wake up. He'll stay on life support for forever unless his parents take him off. You'll never get see his smile again. Or look into his eyes. Listen to him laugh. Or kiss him. Tell him that you love him and have him hear you.

Through my tears, I didn't notice that I started to change my path.

*le time skip brought to you by my ship finally sailing! WOOT WOOT! IT'S REAL AND I'M FANGIRLING*

(Let's just say that Evan broke his arm at the Autumn Smile Orchard)

I stood in front of the rusty gates for the Autumn Smile Orchard. With a deep breath, I grabbed the rails and started climbing up. I sat at the top for a moment, just enjoying the view. I looked down at the ground below me. It would be so easy to just end it all now. But I couldn't. I had work to do. I shook the dark thoughts out of my head and carefully dropped to the ground.

I could hear the frozen grass crunch underneath my feet as I marched onward. My breath came out in foggy puffs and I shivered in the cold, but I kept going. In the distance, the sun started to set. I picked up my pace. I needed to get there before dark.

Finally, I reached the tree. I rubbed my hand against the bark and looked up. From here, the tree seemed to go on forever. I sighed. I grabbed the branch closest to me and started to climb. I remembered another day as I went higher and higher.

One foot after the other.

One branch, then do another.

I climb higher and higher.

I climb until the entire sun shines on my face.

I feel myself smile as I look around. It's a beautiful day. It's a breathtaking view. At least the last thing I see will be this. I scoot off of the branch. I close my eyes as I fall. The only sound is my racing heart and the wind whistling in my ears. I crash to the ground. Instead of feeling free, I feel even more broken. My left arm throbs. I feel hot tears run down my face. Then I black out from the pain.

I shiver, not because of the cool night air, but of the memory. I settle on a branch and hold onto it tight, my knuckles turning white. I look around. I can see a few stars shining as the sun sets. The leaves seem to glow in the dying light, covered with frost. This is a breathtaking view. 

It will not be the last thing I see.

After staying up there for hours, most likely, I slowly climb down. I slide to the hard ground, my back against the tree. I felt so peaceful, I could've fallen asleep. Then the cold really hit me. The wind blew by, leaving me shivering and shaking in its wake.

I get up, brush off, and walk back the way I came. I climb over the fence slowly. My fingers are practically numb. I decide against calling Leo. I decide against calling anyone. I can walk home on my own. 

I jog down the street, trying to stay warm. Also trying to stay unnoticed. I can feel my phone buzz in my pocket as I jog in the darkness. Cars zoom by, paying me no attention. Until one pulls over right in front of me. My heart starts to pound harder as their window rolls down. A familiar, purple haired head pops out.

"Evan?" Julia asks.

"Y-Yeah." I tell her as I speed up. I reach the car door and a wave of warm air hits me. I want to ask for a ride, but I can't. I need to get home on my own.

"Do you wanna ride?" Megan asks from the passenger seat. I jump at her voice. I hadn't even seen her there. I think for a minute. Screw getting home by myself. I need to take care of myself and that means staying warm.

"S-Sure." I say. Megan unbuckles and climbs into the back. I walk around to the other side and pull the door open. Julia cranks the heat up. We pull back onto the road and drive in silence until Megan says,

"I'm telling you, they're together."

"Why don't you just ask them?" Julia's questions.

"You know how I get. Plus that's more personal than asking a teacher a question." Megan tells her.

"A-Are you t-two in c-college?" I ask them.

"Yup. We go to (insert random college). I'm trying to become an author." Megan says.

"I'm trying to be an artist. For cartoons or video games." Julia's admits as she keeps her eyes on the road.

"I'm trying to write a book." Megan blurts out. I motion for her to continue. "Well, it's pretty angsty. So far I just try to write a chapter everyday. I do a quick read over it and I never look back at it. I'll have to soon though. It's very romantic. Five characters, who are all friends, struggle with their sexualities and newfound freedom in college." (I should actually write this)

"T-That sounds a-amazing. Can I r-read it s-sometime?" I question. She beams and nods. Soon enough, we pull up in front of my apartment.

"T-Thanks guys." I called out as they drove away. 

I unlocked the door to the apartment. I closed the door behind me and tiptoed to my room in the dark. I shut the door and locked it. I pulled a box out from under my dresser and put it on my bed. I popped off the lid and stared at all the different forms. Some were for essay contests, rewarding up to 10,000 dollars. Others were for jobs. Starbucks, Pottery Barn, and Barnes and Noble to name a few. At the very bottom we're college applications. I took out a pen and started writing.

Guess you can call me Alexander Hamilton 'cause I wrote like I was running out of time.

Hello there! Did you like my vveeeerrrryyyy long chapter? Jk it's not that long. Only around 1300 words excluding this note. Anyway, I have just recently found out that my ship has sailed! YES! IT CAME TRUE! So, I will give the honors to my two friends. If you would like to reveal yourselves, you can. If you don't want to though that's fine too. HEEEE HEEEEE! I'm going to bake some Christmas cookies tomorrow so I may or may not update tomorrow. Depends on how much homework I have and how much I'll be baking. I can't wait to have more sugar in the house! SUGAR! Anywho, I love all of you! Thank you so much for reading!

-Cronch