Can We Try That?

Mistake Pt. 2

TW: Self-harm, blood (I don't think this is a trigger but of you get kinda squeamish just watch out) and nightmares

Evan's POV

"W-Well..." I started. My words got stuck in my throat. I looked down at my hands, nervously fidgeting with my coat.

"It all h-happened a-at the sleepover. I-I woke u-up a-and everyone else w-was asleep. I-I wound up i-in t-the bathroom. And I j-just couldn't l-listen t-to those voices a-anymore. Zoe woke up a-and s-stopped me." I told him as I still avoided his eyes.

I felt the couch sag as he sat down next to me. Leo gently placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see him crying.

"Evan, oh God, I'm so sorry. I thought something was wrong but I never said anything. I just-" He said.

"D-Don't be sorry. I-It was never your f-fault. Y-You have no r-reason to be sorry." I argued.

"I'm taking away the razors again. You'll have to ask me for one to shave. You know the rules for that." He sighed. I nodded. I could feel the panic rise in me as I realized something.

I still had the razors in my room.

When Leo had taken them away before, I bought my own pack. In my head I could see them sitting under my dresser. Waiting to be used.

"Next time you feel like cutting I want you to come to me. Talk to me. Hell, talk to anyone. All of us are here for you Evan." Leo promised. I nodded again, not trusting myself to speak. I leaned in and pulled him into a hug.

"T-Thank y-you." I whispered before pulling away. I stood up off the couch and walked down the hallway. I could see my hands shaking as I turned the doorknob and pushed open my bedroom door. I gently clicked it shut behind me and locked it.

I sunk to the floor as I stared at my dresser. Underneath it I could see a dark, dusty box.

The razors.

A wave of anxiety rolled over me as the past few hours came crashing back. I had an attack on my first day at work. Marcus took me to his home and kissed me. Then he threatend me. Leo found out about my recent scars. And to make everything even better, I had a box of razors just waiting to be used.

I sucked in a breath. I told myself to get up and go over there. I stayed rooted to the ground. I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my skin. I kept pressing, harder and harder until tears welled in my eyes. I let go and looked at the marks.

My palms stung. I could see little crescent moons dotting my skin. I focused on the sting. It would have to do for now. Instead of doing it to my hands again, I moved to my left wrist. I grabbed my unmarked skin and pinched. I bit my lip, holding back a yelp.

As soon as I let go I moved on to another segment of skin. And another. And another. I kept going until the area around my wrist was raised and red.

I leaned my head against my door with a thunk.

"Tomorrow is going to be a better day. Just you wait. It'll get better." I promised myself in a whisper as I stood up. I moved over to my dresser. I opened up a drawer and pulled out fuzzy tree pants and an old t-shirt. I quickly threw them on. I flopped onto my bed. Snuggling under my covers I closed my eyes. I didn't want to eat dinner anyway.

"Evan?" A voice called. I turned around and spotted Connor in the distance.

"C-Connor?" I asked as I stepped forward. I didn't move. I just stayed in the same spot. All around me was black, fuzzy nothingness. A wave of panic swept over me. All of a sudden Connor was right in front of me.

He was pale. His hair was a tangled mess. Connor's hoodie sleeves were rolled up, revealing scarred arms. There seemed to be fresh cuts that were still bleeding. Red blood pooled at our feet, a sharp contrast against the black nothingness.

"How could you do this Evan?" Connor cried as he grabbed my shoulders.

"W-What? I-I didn't m-mean t-to! What d-did I d-do?" I stuttered.

"You let me down! You ended our relationship! You hurt your only family and your friends! You relapsed! You kissed some man you barely even know! Do I need to go on!" He yelled as he started to shake my shoulders. Angry tears were streaming down his face.

"C-Con, I'm so s-sorry." I wailed. My knees buckled. Connor let me crash to the floor. The blood from his slit wrists was still pooling, rising to my waist. He was walking away.

"C-Connor, wait!" I shrieked. The only thing I could see was my hand teaching out for him as the blood rose over my head.

I couldn't see.

I couldn't breathe.

I was trapped.

My eyes snapped open. I was panting and soaked with sweat. On my nightstand my phone buzzed. I clicked it on and squinted at the bright light.

11:05

💙Boyfriend💙: You ready to decide yet? You don't have a lot of time left...

I quickly typed in my password and opened up my messaging app. I felt my heart beating faster and faster as I typed my message.
As I typed the words that would seal my fate.

What.The.Fern: I'll do it

Tears welled in my eyes.

So much for tomorrow being a better day.

💙Boyfriend💙: Great! I'll see you tomorrow Ev

I took a shaky breath and dropped my phone onto my lap. What had I done? Why had I accepted him? Why didn't I tell anyone?

What had I done?

Heeeey there. I hope you guys liked the chapter! I know you guys hate Marcus and I'm sorry. But he's a part of the story now. Anywho, I'm so proud of myself. Last night I ate 120 m and m's and I didn't throw up. And then I stayed up until 4 in the morning. I slept until around 1:20 and probably whacked up my sleep schedule. But fun! I played some Dream Daddy (an amazing game by the Game Grumps) with my friend Julia yesterday. I named my dadsona Tarsh.

Isn't he beautiful? I also feel super accomplished because I wrote a bunch of stuff down for my OC's and I started a draft for my own original story. Do you remember when Megan and Julia were driving Evan home from the hospital? And then Megan said something about a story She was writing? Well, I just made that up for the chapter, but then I realized how good it sounded. I really liked that idea. So now I will try to actually write stuff for it! Yay! Thank you guys so much for reading! If you haven't noticed, this story just recently reached 1k. Without you guys I never would've been able to achieve that number. I love all of you so much! Thanks again!

-Cronch