Can We Try That?

Off to Work

TW: Blood, Body shaming, (I guess?) and slight panic attacks.

Btw, probably nothing about this Starbucks is accurate.

Evan's POV

I clenched my hand as I stared at the bloodied bandages on my arm. My vision swam and my head pounded. I leaned on the wall for a minute. Blood normally only had a little effect on me. After all, my mom was a nurse. But combined with my nerves and memories from the party, it was hard to even glance at it.

Ask Leo for help, a helpful voice in my head whispered. I opened my mouth to yell for him, but quickly shut it when I realized what that meant.

He would know.

I sucked in a breath and while looking away, peeled off the bandage. My stomach twisted. I gulped down more air and kept peeling off the bandage. Once it was off I tossed it to the side. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought about nice, calming things. Like trees. And poems. And Mom. And friends.

I opened my eyes, and while still looking away, peeled off the next bandage.

Jesus Faist.

This was going to take forever.

*Le time skip brought to you by me getting into Spring Awakening*

I looked down at my re-bandaged arms. I slid my sleeves down over the bandages and unlocked the bathroom door. I walked out into the hallway. I pulled my sleeve down farther, fearing the bandages were poking out. I looked around the living room before creeping to the door. I quickly out on my shoes and slid into my coat. I turned the door knob and gently pulled it open.

Creak

Fuck

"EVAN WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LEAVING?" Leo shouted as he came running out of the kitchen. I chuckled.

"I didn't w-want t-to bother y-you." I told him as he put on his coat.

"Evan, you're not bothering me. Call me when your shift ends, I'll pick you up." He told me as he opened the door.

"I-I can just w-walk. Don't w-waste y-your gas." I muttered. Leo turned around and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"I'm going to drive you no matter what. Its freezing out, its your first day, and you need someone to calm you down before you go in there." He explained. I sighed and followed him out the door. The two of us climbed in his car and we took off.

I plugged my phone into the car radio. I clicked onto my own radio app. The first song that started playing was called Mama Who Bore Me Reprise from Spring Awakening. I couldn't help but tap my foot to the beat and rock out a little.

"D-Do you know w-what S-Spring Awakening is?" I asked Leo. We stopped at a red light and he turned to face me.

"I think Piper and Megan like it. I don't really know what it's about though." He responded.

"Have t-they told you a-anything about i-it?" I questioned. The light flickered back to green and we took off again.

"Piper said it's about sex and getting pergananent." Leo explained.

"P-Pergananent?" I said.

"Don't ask." He muttered. I nodded and glanced out the window. We were right in front of the Starbucks. I could feel my chest tighten and my heart speed up. My palms became sweaty. I took a deep breathe as Leo pulled into the parking lot. Once he parked he turned to me.

"You're gonna do great. Don't worry. Call me if you need anything. I mean it." He told me. I could see my hands shaking as I unbuckled my seatbelt. I struggled to open the car door. I finally got it open and slid out of the car. I took another breath and slammed the door shut.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Leo wave and pull away. I continued to walk up to the door. I pushed it open. I felt like all eyes were on me as I walked up to the counter. Currently, no one was waiting. Thank God. The barista behind the counter turned around and asked,

"What can I get you?"

"I'm E-Evan Hansen, I-I recently just got a-a j-job h-here." I manger to stutter out. My face burned. I started to fiddle with the hem of my shirt.

"Oh! Come behind the counter and we'll get started." The barista told me as they pointed to a corner. There was a little gap in the counter that I could squeeze through. (I have no clue if this is true. I've only been to Starbucks twice and that was a long time ago.)

I walked over. I held my breath, feeling like I kept breathing too much. I was aware of every fidget, every breath, every heartbeat. As I got closer to the gap, time seemed to slow and the voices returned.

You think you can fit through there? You, Evan Hansen? You're too chubby. No. Not chubby. Fat. Disgusting. Ugly. Gross.

I bit my tongue. Tears pricked my eyes but I quickly blinked them back. I sucked in my stomach as I slid behind the counter. The voices continued to hiss and squeal at me. The barista approached me and said,

"Follow me."

Weeeewooooo! I don't think this is a time skip, more like a setting change! Weeeewooooo!

"Nice to meet you Evan. Here's your apron. Marcus will help you get started." My manager explained as they handed me the dark green apron. I took it and let it unfold. I quickly threw it over my neck. I fumbled as I tried to tie the strings around my back.

"Let me help you with that." Marcus whispered in my ear as he tied the strings. I tensed up and felt my face burn. I could feel his fingers against my back and the warmth radiating off of him. Once he was done I quickly pulled away.

"T-Thanks." I squeaked as we left my manager's office.

"No problem." Marcus purred, flashing me a seductive smile. I chose to ignore that and we walked out to the main part of Starbucks.

"Let's get started. I'll show you the basics."

3rd Person

Marcus kept finding excuses to touch or be close to Evan. He had to brush Evan's hair out of his eyes. Or reach over him to grab and ingredient. Every touch made Evan tense up and blush.

He loved Connor.

He was probably just overreacting. Marcus wasn't making moves on him.

I mean, who would? You're a disgusting, clingy, fat, ugly disgrace. He wouldn't want you. Even Connor didn't. He tried to kill himself to get away from you, a voice hissed at Evan.

He couldn't help but shake. Tears formed in the poor boy's eyes. Evan could barely focus. All he could hear was the thumping of his heart. He could feel tears running down his face. His shaking hands.

"Evan?" A voice called out faintly. Evan could barely hear the voice over his own demons. They kept spewing their lies. They kept putting him down and tearing him apart.

He felt strong, warm arms wrap around his waist.

"Its okay Evvy, I'm here." Evan melted into the embrace. It reminded him of Connor.

Except Connor's arms had been thinner. And he had been colder. And Connor was freezing cold and half dead in a hospital room.

But Evan let Marcus embrace him.

He would come to regret that moment.

Yo yo. It's your tired and weird author heere. Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I was tired and procrastinating. This whole week I've been exhausted. Don't know why, but I have been. I bet you guys are gonna love having Marcus now. Can you smell my sarcasm from heere? Another freaking OC of mine. I went to go see The Greatest Showman today. In my opinion, it was meh. The real good part was that I went with my friends Piper, Leo, and Julia. Julia kept cracking jokes about the main guy's dick. So basically I was wheezing the whole time and Piper and Leo had to keep asking us if we were okay. If you guys don't know yet, I've gotten into Spring Awakening. I've listened to most of the album and I keep jamming out to it. Yayyyy. Another musical to be obesessed with. Anywho, thanks for reading. Sorry if anything's misspelled or doesn't make sense, I'm tireeeeed. Love you guys.

-Cronch