Can We Try That?

Putting the Pieces Back Together

TW: None

Evan's POV

I jumped awake. I looked around my room and realized I had fallen asleep while writing an essay. Different applications- some filled, others blank -surrounded me. Last night came back in a rush. The appointment with Dr. Sherman. Going to the orchard. Getting a ride from Julia and Megan. Writing all of this.

I smiled at all the forms I had filled out. From the few that I read, they were actually really good. I got up off the floor, stretched, and walked out into the hallway. I walked into the kitchen and found a bright yellow post-it note on the fridge.

I had to go to work a little earlier today. Please eat something. Take a shower. Go for a walk. Don't mope around. I'll see you later. Call me if you need anything.

-Leo

I opened up the fridge and hunted for breakfast. For once in months, I wanted to eat. I made myself a turkey and mozzarella sandwhich on a sub roll. My mouth watered as I poured myself some coffee. I devoured my meal in five minutes flat. There was no gagging or forcing myself to finish. I just wanted to eat a sandwhich.

Next I decided to take a shower. I made myself a Hamilton, Falsettos, and Waitress playlist. I sang my heart out and my have cried a little. Okay I cried a lot. I mean, who doesn't when they hear Andrew Rannells' majestic voice singing You Gotta Die Sometime?

"I don't smoke, don't do drugs and then comes the bad news. I quit! That's the ball game! It's the chink in the armor, the shit in the karma, the blues."

It was one of my favorite songs from Falsettos. In a way, it made me think of Connor. For a few minutes, I stopped singing and thought about him. When I brought his face to mind it was the pale, unconscious Connor I saw; Not the Connor full of life. Tears mixed with the water from the shower. After a few more minutes of singing, I toweled off.

I looked in the mirror. I still had purple smudges under my eyes. But, I could see a spark in them. I felt alive again.

 I decided that I needed a shave. I was starting to look a little rough. I didn't expect to find razors under the sink. I thought I would have to ask Leo when he got home. I pulled one out of the package. I stared at it. I remembered how I had pressed the blade to my skin. How I had bled. How the pain had made me feel better.

The pain never lasted long enough.

Inside, a war was raging. I picked up the blade and pressed to my skin. I dragged it down. I ran it under cool sink water. I looked in the mirror again and smiled. I looked clean shaven and happy.

I got dressed and decided to head out. I grabbed a few of my job applications, headed outside, and locked the door behind me. 

There was a Barnes and Noble close to my apartment. I gave them my application first.

"I h-have a job application, who s-should I-I give it t-to?" I asked a cheery cashier.

"I'll take it for you. We'll contact you for an interview if my manager approves." They told me with a smile. I thanked them and left. Next up was Pottery Barn.

"I-I have a-a j-job application, who should I g-give i-it to?" I asked the middle-aged woman at the check out counter.

"You can give it to me. We'll email you for an interview if a spot opens up." She said as she took the papers. I said a quiet thanks and left. My last stop was starbucks.

"Can I g-get a shaken i-iced green t-tea please? My name i-is Evan." I told the barista as I handed him money.

"Sure. Would you like anything else?" He asked me.

"A-Actually, I filled o-out a-a job application. W-Who would I g-give it t-to?" I questioned. The man took the papers and looked over them.

"Evan, come in on Friday at 3:30 for an interview." He told me before he gave me my change. I nodded and he called out,

"Next in line!"

I walked back to my apartment, sipping on my tea and enjoying the fresh air. I looked around and saw that the sidewalks were empty. It was only me and the cars out here. With a smile, I did a little twirl.

Things were finally turning around for me! I had one job interview so far and could get two more! At least for now, my depression had gone down. Maybe it was the meds I was taking. Maybe it was that I finally started caring about life again.

I unlocked the door to my apartment and stepped inside.

"Leo? You home yet?" I called out. I got only silence as I response. I placed my tea in the kitchen  and pulled out my phone. I grabbed a speaker from my room and plugged it in. I clicked on the first song from Falsettos, Four Jews In a Room Bitching.

I danced around the apartment and sang as I cleaned. I sweeped the floors, scrubbed counters, and cleaned the windows. Leo and I really hadn't cleaned in a while. 

I collapsed onto my bed, exhausted. I looked to my left and saw all the forms I had left. I managed to finish all of the papers for the essay contests. I sealed them up in envelopes and wrote their sending addresses neatly before sticking them in our mailbox. Next were my college applications. These I typed up. These needed to be perfect. These were my future.

I sealed up the last envelope. I put the rest of them in our mailbox. Once I was back inside, I had a mini dance party to celebrate. Before I had felt like my life was shattered and broken to pieces.

Who says I can't at least try to put them back together?

Hello there readers! I hope you liked the chapter! Sorry it's a little bit later, I had some homework and baking to do. At lunch in school these past few days, the student council was selling candy grams. You write a note to someone and they attach a candy cane to it. I have no clue if I'm getting one, so I did the wise thing. I wrote one to myself. I can quote it. It says,

Dear Evan Hansen, Whizzer Brown dies. Our love is God. Don't throw away your shot!

-Sincerely, miss you dearly, me.

I'm so proud. Other than that, there's not too much to say. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Love you guys!

-Cronch