Afraid To Fall

Chapter 34

"Ken-Ken" I finally have the gut to say that name again.

Halos limang minuto na ako naghihintay at hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita. He stayed still while staring at me.

Do I need to call him again? Akala ko ba may sasabihin siya? If he's just pulling a trick on me, then I got to go.

"Are you going to say something? Say it now. There is someone out there waiting for me."

Bahagya akong nagulat nang ngumiti siya. Okay, he's being creepy.

"Acey, you really deserve him." Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. "Si Derrick na laging nandyan, si Derrick na handang mag sakripisyo para mapasaya ka lang. You deserve that kind of man. Hindi yung katulad ko na walang ginawa kung hindi magsinungaling sayo at itago yung tunay kong pagkatao."

Napayuko ako nang marinig sa kanya 'yon. I never tried to blame him. Maaaring nagalit ako sa kanya pero hindi ko siya kailanman sinisi kung bakit nasira ang relasyon namin. Derrick taught me that I should forgive people, like what he is doing to me every fucking time. Na sa bawat pananakit na dulot ko sa kanya, nagagawa niya pa rin akong pagbigyan at pasayahin sa paraan na kaya niya.

Tumayo siya at lumapit sa akin. He hugged me tight. Katulad nung dati niyang ginagawa kapag nagtatampo o nagagalit ako sa kanya. "Totoong minahal kita. Ikaw pa nga yung pinakaunang bumihag sa puso ko." Natawa siya sandali. "Maybe you find it corny. But yes, ikaw ang unang girlfriend ko. And it turns out, ikaw rin yung first heartbreak." How ironic.

Silence reigned between us. I continued tapping his back when I heard his small sobs. "Now I can say it is more heartbreaking to hear it personally from you, na meron ng ibang tao na naghihintay sayo. Na kung dati ay ako ang tinutukoy mo, iba na ngayon. Hindi nga naman kasi lahat ng magkasama sa una, magkasama pa rin hanggang huli."

Huminga ako nang malalim para pigilan ang mga nagbabadyang luha sa mga mata ko. Naramdaman ko na unti-unting nababasa ang kaliwang balikat ko dahil sa patuloy niyang pagluha. I can really feel his longing for the person he's been loving all the time. And I'm glad to know that I was once a part of his heart.

"You know what, Kenneth, it wasn't my intention to hurt you."

"I know, babe."

Napangiti ako nang makita ang isang tao na pinapanood kami sa malayo. Even without recognizing his face because of the light that reflects in him, alam ko na agad kung sino 'yon. Kung ibang tao ang makakita sa akin na kasama ang ex ko at tinawag ako sa endearment namin, malamang ay sinapak na nila si Kenneth. But here is the person who I really love, watching us from afar and not doing anything but trying to understand our situation. Na ito na ang huli naming pag-uusap ni Kenneth tungkol sa nakaraan namin.

"Hey." Inangat ko siya mula sa pagkakayakap sa akin. "Don't blame yourself for my lost. It was my fault. I slipped away. And who would thought that I will find the right guy after you? This is what you want, right? To see me happy after our break up. To see my genuine smile again after the heartbreaks." I tried motivating him and I guess it's working.

Tumango siya at pinunasan ang sarili niyang mga luha. "Thank you, Ken-Ken. Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for letting me grow apart from you. I damn learned a lot of things."

Muli ay ngumiti siya at sinubukang magsalita ng hindi lumuluha. Minsan ko lang siya makitang ganito kabaliw sa isang babae. Or should I say, this is the very first time I saw him like this.

"Things that Derrick taught you. Things that you have learned from him. It was my pleasure to be a part of the lessons you have learned. Atleast now, I can fully say it's an advantage that I did let you go. You grew up so fast, you learned things from your own experience—"