When He Left

Prologue

I SMILED as I lower my head. Napayuko ako dahil sa hindi ko na kinakaya pa ang sakit, para ako nitong pinanghihina kaya hindi na ako makausad-usad pa. Tila ito isang mabigat na pasanin na kaya ko namang bitawan para mapagaan ang nararamdaman pero mas pinipili kong dalhin at damdamin, dahil ang sakit na dulot nito ay nakapagbibigay gaan pa rin sa aking kalooban sa hindi ko maunawaan na dahilan.

I averted my eyes off them as soon as they look at each other lovingly. They are the epitome of the saying "love is greater the second time around", and I could never agree more.

I don't even know why I'm here. I can't still find the reason why I'm here if we won't end up together in the first place. Who am I now? What I am? Do I still deserve this? Do I deserve to be here? Why did they still include me here now that I still feel the indifference?

I'm actually happy for them, I'm happy that I can see their glowing smiles and beaming faces while looking at each other lovingly. But still, you can't blame me if it hurts. It hurts so much that I would love to see them together while I'm here trying to numb the pain.

Right, it hurts but I love that it can actually numb the pain that its causing. Tila nagtatanim ako ng binhi ng isang halaman upang hintayin itong lumaki at upang hintayin ang tamang oras ng pagputol ko rito. Masakit pero ako mismo ang naglagay sa sitwasyon kong ito.

Nasasaktan ako dahil hinihiling ko pa rin na sana, sana ako ang nasa posisyon ng taong iyon para mapasaya ang taong minamahal ko. Sana ako pa rin, sana ako na lang palagi. Mas pinatitindi pa nito ang sakit na dulot sa akin ng pinagsamang sakit at panghihinayang.

It hurts because I didn't even give it a chance. I didn't even give a single fight for the love that I know I deserve but I keep on resisting. The same reason why my heart's been shattered but still been beating for the same person.

I am also regretting everything because of the same damn reason, my stupidity.

Nanghihinayang ako dahil hindi ako lumaban. Kung kailan ngayon na nakikita ko na siyang masaya sa piling ng taong minsan na niyang minahal, saka ako makakaramdam ng ganito.

Napatingin ako sa malamig at maliit na bagay na nagsisilbi at magsisilbi pa ring alaala para sa nabigo kong pag-ibig.

It's on my left hand, its rustiness is an evidence that it's already too old to be considered. But no matter how old it is, I am still keeping it and holding onto it as if it's my saving grace. No matter how old it may be and may look like, I will still keep it in my heart like an old friend.

I smiled bitterly as I felt a single tear drop from my left eye, it fell exactly to the coin I'm holding and I'm treasuring ever since I received this from her.

Kahit kailan, walang mali at hindi naging mali ang pag-ibig ko sa kaniya.

My love will never be wrong, but that love made me do something unforgivable and do something I never thought I would do.

Pero dahil sa sakit na idinulot nito sa akin ay naging mali ang desisyong pinili ko noon, at ayaw ko nang ipagpatuloy o ulitin pa ang mga pagkakamaling iyon sa buhay ko. Maling pinanindigan ko pa ang mga 'yon.

I sighed deeply as they turned their heads at my direction with the same genuine smile on their faces. I smiled back kahit na sa likod ng ngiting 'yon ay dinudurog na ako dahil sa pag-ibig ko.

Love? It is an emotion where the words faith, trust and forgiveness were encompassed.

But are these all we just need to be in love and to stay in love? Ang mga salitang pananampalataya, pagtitiwala at pagpapatawad nga lang ba ang kailangan natin para magmahal at panatilihin ang pag-ibig?

Think again because it’s not just a word, an act, and an emotion that will empower you to go on with your life.

It can also be your definition of life.

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WHEN HE LEFT by iam_lovelessgoddess, formerly known as chingbobs2305.

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