Seasons of Love || Richard Camacho

23

May 4th

The sun makes my skin tingle. Katarina is laughing hard about something Erick said, Christopher is putting sunscreen on Isa's back and Zabdiel and Richard have been whispering ever since we've left the hotel. I am basically fighting back tears and I have no idea why I am even here anymore. I feel like shit. And I fucking hate it when I feel like shit. I hate it to feel anything, actually. I let my feet bury themselves in the sand and I feel the slight burn. 'Mojitoooooo, cocktaaaaails, mojitooooooo.' Barcelona beach is full of people selling stuff. They keep walking past us and a woman even touched my hand asking if I wanted a temporary tattoo. 'Yo!' I put my hand in the air and sit up. 'Tres, por favor.' He hands me three mojitos and I pay him. I see Kat and Isa looking at me like they are ready to accept the cocktails. Hah. Funny. I down all three cocktails without paying attention to the gasps and stares. After stretching my back, I lie down again and I close my eyes. 'Tiffany, we're going swimming.' Joel says. 'Have fun.' 'No, WE are going swimming.' He pulls me up before I can protest and he pulls me towards the water. The cocktails are not doing a great job, I can still walk and see properly. My toes touch the water. 'The water is cold.' Without saying anything, Joel lifts me up and walks into the water, dropping me after a while. I can still stand, but it's cold. 'I hate you.' 'What happened?' I shake my head. 'Nothing happened.' 'Tiffany, please?' 'HetriedtokissmeagainandIrejectedhimagain.' 'Why?' 'I don't like him like that.' He looks confused. 'Are you sure about that?' I sigh. 'Joel, I don't like to feel things. And feeling things for people is the worst thing to feel.' 'That's stupid.' 'You're stupid.' 'That's childish.' 'I am older than you.' He grabs my shoulders and looks me in my eyes. 'Tiffany listen to me. I don't know what happened in your past and I am not going to ask, I'll wait until you are ready to tell me and I hope you'll tell me eventually. But please try to move on. You deserve to move on. Because you seem to be a really nice person. Crazy, but nice.' I shake my head. 'You're too sweet Joel.' I look at the shore. Richard is staring at us. He doesn't look happy, but not angry either. 'I think he really likes you.' 'Yeah, but there are loads of nice girls out there who would kill to be his girlfriend or to just get a kiss on the lips. Why the fuck would he date a slut who is also an escort and also a home wrecker and ugh.' I lift my arms and let them fall on the water. 'I have no idea how to change the way you think about yourself. But you should know that we all think you are great. After hearing you talk to Richard every day for over a month, I think we are allowed to have an opinion.' It's nice of him to say all these things, but they don't really know me. Erick yells something about getting food. Just as our bodies are not touching the water anymore, I catch Richard's gaze. He looks away. Cool. I start collecting my stuff like the rest of the group. When everything is in my bag, I sit down in the sand and look around to see Joel swinging his backpack over his shoulder. 'Hey bandana boy.' He immediately looks at me. 'Thank you.' Joel smiles because of that, which makes me smile. Joel is a good guy.

'So we're not talking anymore?' I said that I was going to save us places at the Magic Fountain. The rest all thought that it wouldn't be necessary. So here I am, lying on the stairs at the fountain, arms and legs stretched out. And now someone is talking to me and the person is sitting on my fingertips. 'Well we're talking right now, so.' 'Sum- sorry, Tiffany, please.' I bend my head back so I can see Richard. The sad look on his face tries to break my heart, but I refuse to let that happen. 'I'm sorry for hurting you, I hope we can still be friends.' I say before looking at the sky again. 'Friends.' He repeats. 'You know what I said Richard, please accept that.' He doesn't say a word. My arms are getting a bit tired, but I know if I move my hands, I will tickle his bum and I don't think there's a moment more awkward than now to tickle his bum. So when the others finally join us, I am super happy and I greet them by sitting up and sending them jazz hands. In the chaos of them joining us on the steps, Richard finds a moment in which he makes sure he sits next to me. I just shake my head and I am happy with Isa on my other side, so I talk to her about random shit. When the show starts, my body gets covered in goosebumps. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I am pretty sure there are tears in my eyes. And then the song "Purple Rain" by Prince starts playing. My breathing stops for a few seconds and when I finally manage to breathe again, a tear streams down my cheek. And another one. And another one. I rub them away like I always do. Two big hands grab mine and pulls them away from my face. I look at Richard, he looks sad. And I know it's because I'm crying. So I do the most stupidest, awefullest, craziestest, ridiculousest thing I have ever done. And when I start making up words, it's really bad. I scoot closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder. He intertwines our fingers and I just let the tears leave my eyes. And although it feels horrible to admit, it feels incredibly good. The bees are not dancing, but they are awake. I allow them to be. Just for now.