Seasons of Love || Richard Camacho

33

May 11th

When the concert is over, there's a big discussion going on backstage. Richard and Zabdiel think it was a bad idea to tell everyone about the girlfriends. Christopher and Erick still think it was a brilliant idea. Katarina, Isa and I are trying to be as quiet as possible. 'JOEL SAY SOMETHING?' Richard calls for help. Joel finally looks up. 'Well they were going to find out anyway.' Richard throws his hands up in the air and Christopher smiles. 'But I wouldn't have done it this way. I think this was the worst way to do it.' 'See, Joel is the sensible one and he says that it was stupid.' 'Oh shut up Richard you're just jealous because you don't have a girlfriend because Tiffany is being difficult for once.' Christopher spits. The room is quiet now. Everyone is staring at Christopher. I feel the tears burning behind my eyes, my nose hurts and I need to get out of here. I am never ever going abroad with this lot ever again. I don't say anything when I get up and leave the dressing room. Some voices tell me to stay or just say my name, I can't tell to who the voices belong. I walk out of the building and punch the wall. Fuck, that hurts, damn fuck. Without thinking I grab my emergency pack out of my purse and I light the cigarette. It's been months since I've smoked. But I need to right now and I am not fucking stopping myself. The nicotine kicks in and I lean against the building. I hate nicotine kicks, but that's the thing about not being a loyal smoker. 'You smoke?' Joel seems to be shocked. I look at the fag in my hand and throw it away. 'Nah. It's sort of an escape. When there's no alcohol, there's my emergency pack of cigarettes. I don't even like the taste.' Joel wipes away the tears I've been ignoring. 'Christopher didn't mean it.' 'He did. Don't lie to me.' I sit down and lean my head back against the wall. 'Did Katarina kick him in the balls?' 'She punched him in face.' I chuckle. 'That's my girl.' 'Isa kissed it better though' 'That bitch.' We laugh and I tell him that get it. It's not Isa's fault. 'Richard is looking for you as well. But he's looking inside the venue.' I don't want to go back into the venue. I don't want to have to face the awkward. 'I want to go home.' 'Don't. Please stay. You're the glue keeping this group together, you know that.' No I don't. The glue? Is he kidding me? 'It's not the same without you. The rest of the Barcelona trip was shit. The girls didn't know how to function, which made everything awkward. Katarina and Richard left. It was shit.' I laugh and get up. The glue. Did he watch "My Mad Fat Diary" or is he Finn Nelson in real life. 'Well better tell Christopher he needs to stop trying to scratch the glue from the table, eh.' Joel laughs and hugs me. 'You're staying?' 'Of course I'm staying. I need to be the stand-in girlfriend for you, Zabdi and Richard when the couples are going to take stupid photos together tomorrow.' And ladies and gentleman, Joel Pimentel starts giggling in my ear. I laugh out loud and take a step back. 'You are too cute for this world.' I kiss his cheek and we go inside to find Richard. Who hugs me tight when we do. 'I am so sorry for what he said.' 'We'll talk about it later, okay Rick?' He looks at me likes he wants to kick me in my vagina. 'That's fine, Tina. Let's go back to the others.'

'I'm sorry Tiffany, I shouldn't have said that.' Christopher looks like he's really sorry. Maybe it's because of the red mark on his cheek. Nice Katarina. 'That's correct.' I don't even look at him. He sighs. 'He really is sorry Tiff. He's just an asshole sometimes.' Kat tries to help her boyfriend's friend. 'That's correct as well. You didn't really honor your name, Kat. You should've scratched his face. Would've been funnier.' She shakes her head. 'I am not going to pretend that nothing happened. I don't really like you anymore Chris, but let's go. I'm tired. I want to sleep.' Lie. I just want to get out of this place and I don't want to see Christopher's face anymore. We decide that it's better if we split up. So Katarina, Isa, Christopher and Erick share a car and I share a car with Richard, Joel and Zabdiel. 'Can't believe they decide to sit with their boyfriends.' I mutter. 'I need them and they go and sit with their boyfriends. Assholes.' The boys laugh. Zabdiel's phone rings. 'Sure... Yeah... I'll ask... Cool...' He hangs up. 'They're going clubbing.' The boys all look at me, I shake my head and tell them that they are free to go and I really don't mind if they go. But none of them wants to go. 'Shall we have a little after party with just the four of us in my room?' Zabdiel asks. 'That sounds like fun.' I say with a small smile.