Seasons of Love || Richard Camacho

34

May 11th

I don't think I would've had this much fun if the others would have been here. The boys are being fools and tell me stories about tour and fans. 'I'm thinking about quitting my job.' I say out of nowhere, looking at my hand that is now wrapped in bandage. It still hurts a little bit. 'Really? Are you going to find a new job?' Zabdiel asks with his mouth full of snacks. 'I don't know. I could go and see the world, I could start studying, there are so many things I could do.' 'Why are you quitting? I thought you said it pays well and it's fun, right?' Richard asks without looking me in the eyes. 'It's fun, I guess. And yes it pays very well. But so many secrets. So many risks. And I can't really move on. It's not like I can keep doing this if I ever want to start a family.' Now Richard looks up. We just stare at each other for a short moment. 'Yeah I would go crazy if I would have to react to five different names.' Joel makes me look away from Richard. 'Yeah it's crazy, but you get used to it.' After a while we all get tired and decide it's time for bed. When I'm about to enter my own room, Richard grabs my hand. 'You ready to talk?' I nod and we go to his room. We sit down on the bed cross-legged, our knees touching. 'He was not completely wrong.' He starts. 'What are you talking about?' 'Christopher. He wasn't completely wrong.' 'You think I'm being difficult.' He quickly shakes head. 'Absolutely not. But he might be right about me being jealous. Not because I don't have a girlfriend. But because you're not my girlfriend.' My eyes go wide and my breathing stops. Did he just really say? He wants me to be his girlfriend? Thoughts run through my head. Will I be able to handle this? To be someone's girlfriend. Am I going to allow myself to let myself get hurt again? Am I going to trust him? 'It's okay, you don't have to say anything. Just know that I really like you and if you change your mind, let me know.' I want to say something. Say something. Say something you stupid slut. Richard looks hurt and sad and I want to push him on his back and kiss him senseless. But if I would kiss him, I would be ruining myself. After taking a deep breath, I lean forward and kiss the right corner of his lips softly. Not the cheek, not the lips. Halfway there. I can't get myself to look into Richard's eyes, but he makes me. He looks happy, surprised, relieved. 'We can try. But let's not tell the others yet. Okay? And please, please don't hate me when I fuck up.' I whisper. His face almost splits in two, that's how big his smile is. He wraps his arms around me and lets us fall onto our sides. We hug and we laugh. 'We're going to take it slow. We'll be fine. I know we'll be fine.' His lips touch my forehead and I smile. We lie there in silence and I am trying my very best to stay awake. 'Do you want to sleep in your own bed.' I shake my head. 'Do you want to stay here.' I nod. We get up and I go back to my room to get ready for bed. After brushing my teeth, I stare at myself in the mirror. 'Don't you dare to fuck this up.' I slap myself in the face and leave my room again. When I close the door behind me, I hear voices coming closer. The first thing I worry about is people seeing me in my pajamas. Then I realize that I've already walked the hallway in these clothes. When I'm almost in front of Richard's room, I recognize the voices. Oh hell no. I run the last few meters and I use the key that Richard gave me. 'Were you scared?' he laughs. I put my pointer finger against my lips and look through the peephole. Katarina is leaning on Erick and Christopher is carrying Isa. They're all laughing. My heart breaks a little and I turn around to see Richard standing there. Shirtless with his arms wide open. I walk towards him and let him hug me. 'I have no idea how I am going to survive tomorrow's awkwardness.' I mumble against his chest. 'It'll be fine. They will probably feel bad about this in the morning and will ask for forgiveness.' 'If Christopher tries to ask for forgiveness again, I am going to chop his fucking balls off.' Richard laughs and lets go of me. 'Come on, let's sleep.' I nod and we cuddle up in bed. It's crazy how good it feels. I smile and try to push my body closer to his. Not possible, but worth a try. 'Why are you smiling?' He asks, while smiling as well. 'This is nice. You're nice.' He makes a cooing sound and kisses the top of my head and tells me I'm nice as well. After a while I feel that I'm about to fall asleep. I guess he feels it too. 'Sweet dreams Tina.' 'Sleep well Richmond.'