Seasons of Love || Richard Camacho

51

May 24th

Okay, I feel like shit. I open my eyes, but I can't see anything. Am I dead? I don't think so. If so, being dead feels like shit. Maybe I am blind. Can you drink yourself blind? HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN? I DON'T WANT TO BE BLIND.

Oh, something is covering my eyes. A sleepmask? I don't even own a sleepmask. Carefully I take it off, not sure where I am going to find myself, not sure if I am going to like it. I sit up and recognize my own room. And it's not a sleepmask, it's a bandana. What the f-? I get up, try to find my balance and walk into my living room. 'Joel?' He looks up from his phone and smiles. 'Buenos dias.' I sit down next to him and damn this is awkward. 'What happened last night? How did you get here? Why was your bandana covering my eyes?' He sighs and starts telling me everything. How he's been sitting in front of my flat for the past two days and how happy he was when he saw me stumble in last night. Strange enough, after two days he still didn't know what to say to me in case I came home.

'When I finally found the courage to knock on your door, I wanted to say lots of things, but you were so drunk. And you were crying. I put you into bed and you pulled me on top of you.' He tells me that I told him that I didn't want to wake up. Well that didn't work out, epic fail. 'And then you started to kiss my neck and you tried to kiss me.' I slap my hand against my mouth. 'Oh my, I am so sorry Joel.' He chuckles. 'It wasn't that bad, I stopped you before you could actually kiss me. You did steal my bandana and you said I was a good boy. And then you fell asleep.'

Please, just let me die. 'I am so sorry Joel, I am so so sorry.' He pulls me into a hug and he kisses the top of my head. 'It's okay Tiff, honestly. I am happy that you are alive and kind of okay.' Fuck. I start tearing up and I turn my head away from him. 'I am so sorry for you Tiffany, I really am. They have tried to explain what it was all about, but I still don't get it.' My voice cracks when I tell him I don't ever want to see them again. 'How am I supposed to trust anyone ever again?' He asks me if I don't trust him either. 'You're different.' I try to smile at him and he smiles back apologetically. 'I told him everything. Everything. And it took him less than a day to fuck it up.' 'Everything?' I nod and rub my tears away. 'Can we please stop talking about this?' He nods and turns on the tv.

I wake up from a short nap and he smiles at me. 'You okay?' I nod. He caresses my cheek and I cuddle up to him. Joel is a nice cuddle buddy. I can't believe I forgot about him. He's always been nice to me, never stabbed me in the back and always had my back. There's a knock on the door and I jump up. 'You told them?! How could you? I told you that I don't want to fucking see them.' I take back my words, he is just as bad as everyone else. He gets up, walks towards the door and shakes his head with a smile before opening it. The anger leaves my body when he pays the pizza delivery boy and I apologize when we sit down on the couch again.

'So, how are you and India doing?' He looks up, his mouth stuffed with pizza. He looks ridiculous. 'India?' I nod. 'She likes you and you like her, right.' His face shows me that I have told him something that is completely new to him. 'I don't like her like that. Does she really like me like that?' 'You don't believe me? Kat told me she's all over you. And I saw it myself. She is.' He shrugs. 'Maybe that's the reason why I don't like her like that.' I ask why he's never dated someone. He tells me that he's not really looking for a relationship or anything. 'And if I would want a relationship, I don't want it to be just romance and butterflies. I think I would like her to be a friend, someone who I am comfortable with.' I tell him that he's too cute and we finish our pizza's in silence.

'I hate this game.' After losing a stare contest for the fifth time, I am very close to giving up. 'Oh come on. Just stop laughing and stop looking away.' I sigh and sit up straight again. 'Last time, stop pulling funny faces.' I look into his eyes and decide to play this game my way. Slowly, I pull down the zipper of my hoodie. His face changes color a bit and I bite my bottom lip. 'Stop.' 'No.' I move my hair to one side and tilt my head a bit, still staring into his eyes. And he looks down. 'HAH!' I stick my tongue out and let my head rest against the back of the couch. 'You're the worst.' He says while shaking his head. 'I know you love me.' And I smile genuinely.