I Want You (GxG)

Feelings

It looks like my cousin likes me. As I watched her fiddle with her hair and flinch uncontrollably while she patiently waited for an answer to her confession, it came to me how she had been acting as of late. It makes sense now as to why she was so defensive of me when it came to Chris, but beyond that when she complied to my wishes and even went as far as to drive me to school when I was hungover. How much of a dunce can I be? How much pain and worry have I caused? Can I make it right? We are cousins, yes, but it's not like... it's illegal to go out with her... I don't want to pity her and that to be the reason for my decision. I mean, I don't pity her. In fact, I envy how truthful she is and that she actually understands her feelings. On the other hand, I have no idea what I'm doing... My mind raced back and forth, and even soon I became engulfed by the embarrassment as well once I realized the situation I was in. My heart began to beat even faster, so much so that I felt as if I would collapse at any moment from the rapid beating of it. I'm... so happy right now, but why do I feel guilty too? Did Chris... notice how Lily felt? Is that why she seemed to want me to decline her offer for the movie night? Ugh! I need to stop thinking about Chris! I know she doesn't see me that way, and it's not like I really want her to anymore... My eyes glanced back to Lily who had sat back on the floor to calm herself. She was still trembling and breathing heavily like I have been, but she was beaming. Noticing her gleefully sitting there on the floor caused me to feel as equally joyful.

"Ivy, I just want you to know that no matter what decision you make, I will always cherish this moment. It might bum me out, but I'm glad that I could finally tell you. It felt like there was a pit in my stomach that would grow bigger and bigger as we spent more time together, but now it is no more. Thank you, Ivy, for helping me to create these feelings!" Lily said softly. Usually, Lily is extremely upbeat and eccentric, but now I can tell how fragile and insecure she actually is once she takes down her facade. My heart beat picked up once again and my face seemed as if it was on fire. Another side of Lily that I haven't seen before... I chuckled to myself before reaching a hand out to Lily. She questioned my motive, but took my hand with composure. One more year before college... Who do I want by my side? We stood next to each other and stayed silent for a few moments before I grasped her hands once again and intertwined our fingers.

"Can you stand by my side? I don't think I can imagine anyone else there besides you, really, and besides that you are the one who understands me the best! I know that I'm childish and probably don't understand my feelings quite well, but I can't stand to be alone like this... I'm selfish, rude, inconsiderate, and above all I'm oblivious, but knowing that now do you still want to be with me? If you're distressed, I will be too, if you are anguished, so will I, if you are elated, then I will be too. I want to share my experiences with you, so I hope you will do the same... That is... If you will still have me..." My voice quivered. Lily gripped my hands tighter without uttering a single word. Her shoulders then began to trembled as she let go of my hands to grab onto them.

"Are... are you sure, Ivy? You're not joking, are you? I won't forgive you easily if you're just messing with me!" She said in a low tone. I placed my hands atop hers and pulled her into an embrace. This feels... right... I really want to protect her smile... I pulled her up stand stand again and bent over to pick the bottle of alcohol up that she had been drinking.

"I'm serious, Lily. I like every aspect about you, even your flaws. You're absolutely adorable when you show me your sensitive side. When you're anxious you get incredibly flushed and sputter a bit, you're almost always fanatic, and surprisingly you're quite the flirt. Your flaws are equally your strong suits as well. I know almost everything there is about you, but not all. Can't I take this chance to get to know you better?" I asked before taking a sip of the alcohol. Lily turned her head away and slid her hand onto her mouth in disbelief. Her face turned bright red and she grabbed her alcohol from my hand before heading towards the front of the bar to grab shot glasses.

"I'm so blessed right now... I don't know what to say..." She poured a small amount of the drink into both glasses and passed me one.

"How about we go watch some more sappy movies? While we do that, you can come up with something to say and then tell me." She nodded and smiled again, but this time she looked genuinely excited. Ah... She has such cute dimples... I ran up the stairs to pick out a random romance movie when I got a message from someone. It was Maddie.

"Hey I was worried about you! The teachers said that you had gotten in a fight and got roughed up a bit, so after school today I'll stop by with Olivia. Do you want me to invite Chris too?"

"That's not really a good idea... My cousin is going to open her bar around 2:30 pm today, so make sure you get here before the 3:30 pm rush. I'll make sure to make you two some delicious margaritas as thanks!"

"Sounds great! See you later!"

I set my phone back down at the sound of Lily's footsteps. She handed me my shot and sat herself right next to me on the bed. Her hand snuck over to my lap and grappled to mine. Lily leaned into my ear and whispered with a soft giggle.

"I figured out what to say... I love you..." She said in a hushed tone before pecking my cheek lightly. It's only 7:57 am? This is going to be a long and perfect day!