The Untold Story of Mary Seymour

Chapter 31

It was the next day when I left a note under Sam's door asking him to meet me out in the garden at noon. I was now seated on a stone bench, watching leaves fall to ground. I heard the door open behind me and my hands began to shake. I was not ready to have this conversation but it had to get done.

Sam sat next to me, and without greeting him I dove straight into the conversation. "You've been asking me what I have been hiding from you, and I think now is the time to tell you. Actually, everyone who knows is telling me it is time for you to know. Please keep in mind that there has been a reason for me to keep this from you. It was to keep you from getting hurt and distracted."

I took a need breath and grabbed the end of the bench. "That night we were intimate, I don't regret that at all, but it has lead to something else. I found out almost two months ago that I am pregnant. You know that I am unable to carry, so I was worried that this would not last. I promised Warren that I would tell you once I reached four months, so here we are. I did not want to tell you incase I lost the child earlier on, please understand that it was so that I could protect you from this. It was during the time where you and I were not on good terms and I didn't want you to hate me anymore than you already did. I am telling you now because it is time, but I understand if you're angry with me."

I stopped talking to let Sam speak but he remained quiet, which is what I expected. I just told him big news that would change his life so I would give him a moment or two to collect his thoughts. What turned into a few moments, though, turned in a few minutes and I was quickly growing agitated.

I shook my head and stood up from the bench. Looking down at Sam, who was looking off into the distance, I said, "listen, I understand that this is a shock to you, but you could have said anything. I'll leave you now but come find me when you are ready to talk."

I was about to leave when Sam quickly stood up and made me sit down once again. "I'm sorry, but I don't know what to say. I don't know what you want me to say."

"Just tell me how you feel about this. Whatever you say I promise I won't react badly."

Sam sighed and placed his hands on his trousers, rubbing them up and down. "I am confused, I guess. Deep down I know I should be happy for us, but I don't know what this means for us, for our child. The timing is God awful, but we can't always control when things happen. I'm not mad that you didn't tell me right away, a little upset, but I know what you've been through. What I really want to know is what you want out of this."

I didn't expect Sam to take this all so easily, but I appreciated that he was trying to. Now I was left answering a question I have been asking myself since I found out four months ago. I took a minute to gather my thoughts, but even after that it did not seem to help. "I can't tell you what I want because we have no idea if I will carry to full term. If we were do what society expects and get married and I lose the child, then we are stuck with each other. I had that exact relationship with Ronald and you know that in the end he couldn't even look at me the way he use to. What I really want to know is what you will do with this news. You are the one who has a lot more at risk than I do."

"God, I don't know Mary," Sam paused and looked at me. He looked heartbroken and I knew exactly why. "I love you, and I would do the right thing and marry you so that our child can have the ideal life. But it's just not the right time. For us, for you, and for me. I just finally figured out what I had to do here and I don't want to risk any of that. Do you want me in this child's life? Do you want me in your life, is what I should be asking."

"Of course I do. Sam, no matter what we have been through in the past, it is all different now. If you don't want to risk what you have going for yourself now, that is fine with me. I will wait until it passes and then we can be together with our child. I will have enough people looking out for me, you, John, and your cousin, that I will be fine. Our child will be fine. But can you promise me that right now? That after everything has worked out, you will come back to us?" I asked Sam. It was a question to be asked because this could take forever, to break away from England, and things change, attractions change.