Self Expression of A Burden

January 10th, 2018

I'm fucking pissed. Like pissed to the point of crying. My bitch mom took my phone because I fell asleep watching my sister literally for like five (5) minutes. I have high ketones (diabetes bullshit) and it literally wears me out so much that I have uncontrollable thirst and exhaustion. I don't remember even falling asleep. My mom apparently thinks I slept the whole time and on purpose but she's a cunt so. Anyway rewind to the beginning of my day. I woke up too early and couldn't go back to bed. I made a shake to fill me up. I'm sort of fat and didn't want to eat. My mom gave me a ride and almost made me late of course. Dance class was terrible. I hate the teacher and I'm too embarrassed to do shit like that. History was fine. That one kid came and asked me what was wrong, did I look more depressed than usual? I was dying of thirst and ditched some of bio to go to the vending machine and get diet strawberry Powerade. Math sucked. Green and my other three friends not being there made me lonely. The kid from freshman experience day has a closer friend then me so I just sit alone quietly. Study hall sucked. The teacher's a bitch. Lunch was decent. I got a salad. I ate some of Red's Cheetos and Blue's pizza. It almost made me throw up. Gym was fine. Talked to an old friend from math and an old friend from gym. That kid from history came up to me and hugged me super tight for like no reason but it made me feel important. I didn't do much in class. I texted the one friend I had from gym last semester this morning and he came to say hi in gym. He's so sweet but I can tell something is kind of off about him. Study hall was alright. I hate my new English seat. I didn't talk to or even message Purple today. I hope they're doing okay, I'm still not. I told Blue we were done and they acted like they gave a fuck. I guess we're together, but they ignored me again all fucking day. Green texted and apologized. I'm pretty upset he didn't give Red a proper apology too. I don't trust them and I know damn well they won't keep his word. I don't even know why they came back. They probably want something. Taxi Cab and Drown have been killing me all day. I'm at my lowest point and I can't get any lower. I'm not even surprised when bad shit happens. I had physical therapy. The guy I have is super chill since he's a student but he's temporary. He touched my butt, but like, he was showing me what muscle I should be using in this one exercise so it wasn't supposed to be sexual but the closeness in age and gender difference made it sorta awkward. He ended up being pretty cool and open with me. He talked about a doctor coming in to see how he was doing and asking him questions. He told me he was nervous. It was nice talking to someone medical who didn't have their head up their ass. He likes alternative including Imagine Dragons and Twenty One Pilots. A patient there said she liked my Twenty One Pilots shirt. I went to get dance shoes for class. After that me and Mom met Gampa (that's what I've called my grandpa forever.) at Applebee's. I couldn't eat. I almost puked. My friend's big brother messaged me after school all day. I thought he hated me I don't know why he was so talkative. I was dropped off at home and my mom and Robbie her boyfriend went to go fix the car and I had to babysit. Then the bullshit happened I mentioned in the beginning. The bitch took my phone and she keeps telling me to unlock it like its her business. Being under pressure only made me forget my pattern and I keep having to wait extra time. I hate her. She makes me want to die. She literally is the BIGGEST bitch. And her scumbag boyfriend Robbie is such a fucking douche I want him to die. I hate living here. If my dad lived closer and in a bigger house I'd go with him. I'm probably going to watch Princess and The Frog. It's so good. I hate everyone and everything. I wish so many people didn't exist.