Self Expression of A Burden

July 22nd, 2018

I got to Wisconsin. :^) But before I get to that, let's rewind two days. So I went to a racetrack with Gampa on Friday. It was a special event night so instead of just horses there was also camels, zebras, and ostriches. I laughed my ass off because the ostriches started flapping their wings and the carts with the jockeys in them went flying off their backs and they started running in different directions. I won 6/10 of the races which usually you only win about 3. I got $58 in total. The last few seconds of the race where they approach the finish line gives me this adrenaline rush that probably would be enough to turn into something unhealthy if I had easier access to and was old enough to go there myself. My stomach messed up for no reason. I legit ate then went to the bathroom a little later, then hours and hours later (like 6 maybe) my stomach fucked up big time so I don't know anymore. We went for dinner afterwards. I fucking love food so much I have been eating a lot lately. I want to drink ranch. And I'm not even exaggerating either. On the rare occasion I have extra ranch leftover from what I'm eating, I will DEADASS whip out a spoon. Not sure if I had mentioned it but Gampa took his vacation and that's why we've been doing things lately. So Saturday we went to a demolition derby. I fucking love them so much. Except the fireworks scare the fuck out of me. I had a bad panic attack last night because of them. I squeezed myself between the bleachers and screamed, cried, and rocked back and forth. My dad is convinced I have Asperger Syndrome now because of it. Ironically I have all the symptoms but I really don't think I have it. My uncle had his "problem" again or whatever. Police got involved and shit. Nobody knew besides me and Aunt Aurelija, but even then she still doesn't know as much as me. I texted him after ""Why?"" I don't know what to do about him anymore. Also I saw Carlos that day before the derby. He was being a huge sweetheart and was acting like him old self. It's been awhile since I saw that person. 

FUckinG oW I think I'm going to get my fucking period on this trip. For ONCE my period is going to be on time. Of course. This happens literally every time I have some special event. Fuck being a girl I'd rather have a penis. 

Anyway yeah the derby was fun. I got McDonald's after with my dad. Him and Tellia went too. I was too tired to pack and shower. I just went to sleep. I was so tired that I slept through my alarms and even had Ryan call me to wake me up but I went back to sleep for a little anyway. I didn't shower like I wanted but I packed. We left super later than planned because my mom had to grab last minute things from the store and a bunch of other shit. I slept in the car only an hour and 40 minutes. I woke up having to pee. I was able to hold it awhile but we needed gas anyway so we stopped. I got a cherry slushy and a buffalo chicken thingy. It was fucking valid. My brother has pissed me off so much I want to fucking beat the shit out of him. In fact, it's probably getting to that point. When we got here we went to the hotel. We went swimming. It was fucking cold to the point of being minimally enjoyable. I got out first to shower. It. Was. The. Best. Shower. Ever. The shower head is short and the curtain rod is curved. It was fucking great. Also there's a blow dryer on the wall so YES. I'm kind of just lounging around in bed now. Talking about plans for tomorrow. Pizza just got here so fuck my ass. I'm starving so I'm eating then sleeping probably. I will probably update here every night I'm here so yeah.