Self Expression of A Burden

July 25th, 2018

I'm drinking lemon tea and it tastes exactly how the lemon scented Clorox wipes smell.  This kid I went to grammar school with used to eat Clorox wipes. He was one of my best friends. However I never actually reached the point of consumption; I had only licked one. Why the hell am I telling you this? Like really? 

Anyway, I said I'd update every night, but honestly I didn't want to! :D But at least now I can type a big juicy ;) part instead of two little ones. I'll pick up right from Monday morning. I actually woke up early. Like eight in the fucking morning early. Of course I had a motive; complimentary hotel breakfast. I had a bagel, yogurt, mini muffin, and orange juice. Nutnutnut. Right after that though I pretty much just went back to sleep. We all ended up sleeping in late. We didn't even get out of the hotel until like 5P.M. However though, we went to Lost Canyon first. Like I had mentioned, my WHOLE family used to come here yearly when Nana was around. There were certain activities that we did every year and this was one of them. I always mention my weakness of nostalgia, and things I do here, and even just being here, is a great example. Actually the nostalgia was so strong it almost gave me a panic attack. (Which I'll explain later.) So basically the Lost Canyon is this ride you go on; a little wagon thing pulled by horses. The tour guide I guess you'd call him steers the horses and explains the history of the canyon. It's really pretty. It used to be filled with water so there's really pretty sandstone formations and stuff. What pisses me off though is a bunch of water parks keep trying to buy the land to tear down the canyon and build more water slides. This place has enough of that bullshit and it needs more natural attractions in my opinion. The canyon is historic; there was this one  area that was like a "room" where Native Americans had held meetings and stuff. Bitch that's fucking cool take your plastic ass water slide somewhere else. We went to Denny's for dinner after. Not just any Denny's though; this one was decorated inside and out based one the 1950's decade. Fuck. Yes. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love the 50's and 70's. Honestly, I've probably said this a million times in here, but I wanted to be a teen in the 50's so badly. I loved the cars, fashion, and music from that time so so much. I got a strawberry shake when I was there to better absorb myself in the environment. I ate a lot as usual. After we went there we went downtown on the strip. It's basically just a bunch of stores and restaurants lined up next to each other on either side of the street. One of my favorite things in the entire fucking world is here. Wizard Quest. I had wanted to go every time we'd drive past the building with the wizard and magic orb on the roof when I was younger when the whole family would go. Every year I was told the same bullshit; "We have to wait until you're older." So eventually when I was maybe 11 or 12 we went and I got to go. Guys. This place is amazing; so amazing I don't think any word from any language could quite possibly describe it. I myself have always been into the whole "magic-supernatural-wizard-dragon-fairy" bullshit, so this place is spot on. Basically what it is is this interactive game where you're on a quest to free the 4 elemental wizards of earth, air, fire, and water. It used to be a piece of paper but now it's a tablet, which you get clues and are asked to find certain things within this little world they have set up. This place is aged 16+ so it's not easy or meant for little kids which is a plus. Their perimeter is separated by the realms of each wizard I had mentioned. The air realm is literally above the earth realm. You need to take stairs for that one. Then the other 3 are just regular level. Each one is so uniquely and finely decorated, that you get COMPLETELY absorbed into this whole other world. You completely forget about the world outside and it is just so damn cool. Gampa went with me alone this time. He was helping here and there but sat down a lot. The ground is uneven and it is a lot of walking back and forth. There is literally secrets everywhere. I was climbing on platforms behind walls and going down secret slides and stuff. The downside is you only have an hour to save all 4 wizards which is pretty much impossible. We only saved one. The average is two though. This little girl was helping me with my quest since she could easily squeeze through the little hidden tunnel in the ball pit to open the secret door for me. I was talking to her and her older brother. She was probably like 9 and he was probably 12. They were really sweet. Then the guy who worked there kept running into me and talking to me. He said I looked like Velma from Scooby Doo. He was super nice. He helped us with the beginning of the quest with the weird tutorial. He also let my grandpa use the elevator when we were done so he didn't have to walk up the stairs. He said "see you again soon." and winked and smiled before shutting the door behind him. The way he said and did that was pretty much when I realized he had probably liked me. Even though I did shitty on the quest, I loved every moment being in there. The set up is just incredible. You have to experience it to understand. It's just that type of thing. Mom, Sewoonoo, and Bob were walking around the strip and came to pick Gampa and I up when we were done. We went to one of those escape room places. We got the 15 minute one and the setting we got was an alley where we had to defuse a bomb. It was pretty hard. We got a few clues though. We got kind of far. There were clocks on the wall displaying various times, and things were color coded. We had to pull the wires from the "bomb" a certain way and it was cool. We failed. But still. After that we came back to the room and chilled. Gampa and Mom went to the casino, leaving me with the kids. It was fun getting the baby to sleep to be honest. We brushed our teeth together, I changed her into her pajamas, and we read The Very Hungry Caterpillar. She was really cuddly with me. Such a smol smol bean. I fell asleep with her and woke up to Mom and Gampa coming in. I woke up at that point to go get breakfast again with Mom. Que Day #3.

Mom and I were first at breakfast, and actually alone awhile, so I ate to my heart's content. I had a giant waffle, five hard boiled eggs, milk, orange juice, apple juice, a mini muffin, bagel, and yogurt. I had 200 carbs, legit. We got back to the room and I went back to sleep again. Everyone woke up around 1 or so. We left here about 3. We went to Moosejaw for lunch. It's a single standing restaurant, (meaning it's not part of a chain and is the only one.) and it is one of my favorite restaurants to exist. It's decorated like a woodsy-cabin type of thing. I ate half a large pizza which I shared with Gampa, chicken quesadillas, a salad, (with red onion and egg. My fucking favorite.) and chocolate peanut butter pie with ice cream. My stomach was acting up before and after I ate so I don't know. I was stuffed afterwards though. I had a panic attack in the bathroom after because of this thing that happened with Ryan but that didn't get too bad until later which I'll briefly touch on in a little bit. So after we ate we went on the Ducks, which is this half boat/half truck sort of thing they used in the military in WWII. (Speaking of WWII tonight and last night I was watching Holocaust documentaries on National Geographic.) This is one of those things my whole family did when I was little. This is also the thing that almost gave me a panic attack like I had mentioned before. I was sitting on the thing with Selina on my lap and looked down the Wisconsin River and got this flashback of me sitting on one next to Nana when I was maybe 5 or 6. It freaked me out and my mom got mad at me because I had her take the baby. But yeah this guy drives this thingy around through trails in the woods and takes it down the Wisconsin River while talking through a mic and pointing out scenic and historical things. After that we went back to the strip but this time to shop. We were just hanging around some benches awhile. Gampa sent me in this cheese store to grab some Muenster. I was super anxious about it. The lady who worked there was really nice and we talked a little though. We all had some cheese and then walked around a little. Mom left Bob with Gampa while me her and the baby went to go inquire at the tattoo shop for my tattoo, but they were closed. And also they were closed Wednesday, which is the day I'm leaving. I was really upset. Bob and Mom went to go do another escape room. I bought a Wisconsin Dells sweatshirt. I got this really cool custom Twenty One Pilots t-shirt. We went back to Wizard Quest so I could look at the gift shop since I didn't have a chance to before. I spent half an hour in there lmao. I bought this little tree statue to add to my little fairy statue from last time. Ironically the guy from yesterday was there and for some reason walking to grab something from the front desk and not in the game area. The second he saw me he had one of those genuine goofy smiles and yelled, "It's Velma!" I laughed and said "Yeah, hey!" My heart was beating so fast. I hate situations like that. I'm gonna miss that guy. He was so sweet. We left there and went back to the hotel. Gampa and I watched the baby while Mom and Bob swam. I texted Ryan to follow up from earlier. It was pretty bad. I though I had calmed down but I realized I only pushed my feelings to the side and made it worse. It blew up really bad. I was crying. We almost(?) broke up. Part of me feels like we would've came back to each other anyway. Regardless, I don't want that happening again. Things he was saying made me feel like an utter asshole. The way he thinks and feels about me is just... Weird. Not the bad weird. Maybe that's the wrong word. He thinks so highly of me and genuinely wants to be with me. I never heard someone say the stuff he said. I'm happy with Ryan and I'm lucky to call him my boyfriend. Mom and Gampa left for the casino again. I video called Ryan. I just needed to hear his voice after all that bullshit. He means so much to me. He has such an intricate personality. 

Awww sleepyhead just woke up. My heart still flutters a little when I see he's texted me. That middle school bullshit smh. 

Anyway, I did the "nightly routine" with the baby again after Ryan went to bed. She kept grabbing my hand and putting her lil arm around me when she was falling asleep. So so cute. I had a few nightmares throughout the night. I only remember snippets. One I was in this frozen dungeon of hanging dead bodies. Another one Ryan and I were like in some house and a few years older, and we were yelling at each other about something, until he just slammed the door and left. That one woke me up. It was around 7 so I went to go get breakfast. Mom and Bob went to swim. I came back to the room and ate and started typing this. I check out here at 11. After that we're going to lunch at Pizza Pub then to this store called Goody Goody Gum Drop. Both of those places are also nostalgia places. OH OH. I did get my period. And it gave me another cold. Mild though. The aches are what's fucking me over this time. Anyway, that's it for now. I'm gonna pack and lounge around.