Self Expression of A Burden

February 24th, 2018

I wake up late. Missed calls from Lazuli and Josh. A bunch of them. Texts telling me to wake up, from 9 A.M. to all the way to 12 or 1 when I woke up. Tate even texted I think. A message and missed call from everyone besides Blue, which, previous to today called Lazuli a whore and me a liar, and told me to get out of his life. He ignored every message and call of mine purposefully. I told him I was going to the library with Lazuli to play video games but apparently me not telling him which library made me liar. He has fucking great logic. Anyway, I kind of lounge around in bed, text Red a countdown of how many hours until he picks me up. Kind of hurt over Blue, kind of didn't care because I was so excited. Josh calls again. I answered. He wanted to meet at the park, it was wet outside because of rain and it was still sprinkling, and at this point it was an hour before I would get picked up by Red. I obliged anyway. We hugged and greeted each other, he kept trying shit. I didn't feel invaded or by any means anxious, I trust and am really close to Josh, but I felt annoyed. We eventually had to go, after about 45 minutes. I walked home and made sure I had diabetes supplies and cash. They picked me up. I gave both Red and his mom Jennifer big hugs. We went out to eat and talked shit about people from school. After that we started driving to the arena. Us three have a very similar music taste so we listened to it on the way there. Red and I watched some funny Youtube videos. We were so excited to be there. We found our seats and we were both so jumpy and excited. We got more matching sweatshirts. We went back to our seats. Papa Roach and Falling in Reverse opened. They were surprisingly good live. They played a lot of songs I knew. When A Day To Remember came on the stage Red and I got so fucking excited we hugged each other super tight and I started crying. We kept hugging each other, even Jennifer hugged us too. We knew damn near every song. They played extra songs too. The show lasted longer than I anticipated and I was so fucking happy. There was a mosh pit and it got insane. They were like full on fighting and they kept falling, it was pretty funny. Everyone was so drunk. Speaking of drunk, us three got beer thrown on us so oof. One of Red and I's favorite songs is called The Plot To Bomb The Panhandle because it was a song we listened to together all the time when we first met and before they started playing every song we got so anxious hoping they'd play it. It ended up being the second from last song they played. When we heard the intro guitar riff we both lost our shit and sung it together. Red is amazing. So is his mom. They are some of the funniest, most caring, sweetest people I have ever met. Jennifer is like another mom to me. Red is one of the closest friends I've ever had. He's always so supportive and loving and has even saved me a few times. I love him. I love them. After the show Red and I were pretty clingy because of how happy we were. Seeing him so happy only made me happier. In the car ride home I was exhausted and laid my head on him. Something happened, I don't want to say it on here, but it made me feel even closer to him. I was worried that he was slipping away a little but our relationship was reignited and my heart was on fire. After that night we started talking regularly again and I'm thankful. I got home. Ate a lot. We video called a few hours then fell asleep with the call on. I was still in my sweatshirt. <3