Bound By Purpose

It All Goes

With the awkward introductions to Sam and Natasha over with we all now sit at a table no one really knowing where to start. Years ago I might have looked over at Steve to give the orders, but I am far from that woman now. Anxious to get a move on with things I begin, "I suppose we start with what we know. Since that's literally all we have." I can feel Steve eyes on me as I try to get the conversation started. "We know Pierce is in charge." Nick pulls out the briefcase and opens it to the three chips. "And we know that once the Helicarriers reach three thousand feet, they'll triangulate with Insight satellites becoming fully weaponized."

Nick helps me along, "We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own." 

Maria also lends to the conversation leaning forward she expands on the idea. "One or two won't cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this to work, because if even one of those ships remains operational a whole lot of people are gonna die."

What Nick says next shakes me to my core. "We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA. We need to get pass them, insert the server blades, and maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what's left..." the realization that SHIELD needs to die today returns and I'm about to object but Steve beats me to it.

"We're not salvaging anything. We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick, we're taking down SHIELD." Steve and Nick both look to me to confirm their ideals, but I'm too busy thinking of what I might possibly say.

 "SHIELD had nothing to do with it." Nick argues.

Steve pushes back from the table now to address all of us. "You gave me this mission, this is how it ends. SHIELD's been compromised, you said so yourself. Hydra grew right under your nose and nobody noticed."

"Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed." Nick retorts.

"And how many paid the price before you did?"Steve looks over at me as if I were a victim. I was, but Nick, Coulson and Clint had the bravery to save me from whatever fate Pierce may had envisioned. I suppose Steve didn't know that story yet.

"Look, I didn't know about Barnes." Fury's sudden change to a softer tone makes me look up.

"But you knew about her." Steve points to me while still holding Nick's gaze. Only now do I realize that Natasha has been studying me this whole time. Silent but watching. "She's been here decades, running, hiding. It doesn't matter what you were keeping her from, the point is you didn't tell me."

"I chose this." Everyone's eyes are on me before I realize I even opened my mouth. "Steve, I chose this... Maybe not to be here right now, but all those years ago I chose to lock myself away because I believed I was being saved for something more than mourning after the war." I look around at everyone now, knowing I need to share a private piece of me to make them understand. "In 1948 I made the decision to be more than what I was. At that time I was not with SHIELD anymore, but Howard Stark talked me into going back... When I went under for the first time he told me it wouldn't be long, it turned out to be a lot damn longer than we planned. When I woke up SHIELD had changed and I hadn't. We were at war again, and SHIELD had grown far darker than I had ever wanted to see it. But I thought I might try to change too so I did missions in Korea and Russia in the 60's... for SHIELD. I tortured and killed people,I lost myself and nearly died alone in a cell in Russia, but Bucky saved me." I look straight into Steve's eyes for this, willing him to believe that his best friend was indeed still there. "I went back to sleep because I didn't want to see what the world had become, I didn't know at the time that I had the power to change it, I just did what I was told because I was an Agent that, despite everything, was still disposable. In '79 they let me out, gave me a chance to live again. When I saw a gray haired Howard Stark and married Peggy Carter, I knew that I didn't have a place there any more. I realized that I would be needed, someday. And then I woke up in 1991 and it was a world where everyone I had known was gone, and then they sent me to kill the one last person on earth that meant anything to me. I came back with my team and the information I'd been tasked to retrieve, and they met that with a need to kill me." I turn to Nick now. "We should've seen it right there, that this agency we've dedicated our lives to, isn't anything special. No." I look at all the faces of those around me. "SHIELD, Hydra. It all goes. That's the simple answer. There's no salvaging what we've become, but we can still start over."