Bound By Purpose

We Lost

"And what about Stark?" My attention is lifted for the first time for this conversation. I look up from my seat near the window and look over the group that had reunited. We've regrouped to the palace in Wakanda under Okoye's command. 

No one could move me from my place in the clearing. I was having a hard time coming to terms with what happened, but Steve eventually was able to drag me from my spot beside Bucky's remains. I cried no tears and didn't scream. I let Steve take me away and I've been silent since. 

Steve, Nat, Bruce, Thor, Rocket, Rhodes... That's all that is left. "Tony's dead." I say planting my feet on the floor. "I saw Thanos stab him through the stomach." I think of all the others that had been there with me. "And the others..." I look to Rocket. "Even if they survived Thanos' attack... survived his snap, I can't see a way for them to find their way back here."

"You made it back here..." The accusation comes from Rhodey.

"Dr. Steven Strange opened a portal long enough for me to get back... He isn't here so I don't think he made it." I pause a moment remembering his parting words. "He said..." I look back up to address everyone.  My gaze rests on Steve who's listening intently completely silent. "He searched the future, said there was only one way we could win this."

"Well someone screwed something up, because..." I stare Rhodey down and he stops before he can finish. Did he honestly think that any of us didn't realize we'd just lost? I bury my face in my hands and stay there. Trying desperately to compartmentalize my thoughts I try to seperate the shock from the sorrow and come to terms with the fact that Bucky is gone. He is truly gone this time.

"Steve what do we do next?" Nat's soothing voice coaxes me from my inner most darkness. I needed to take a step forward. Towards what I don't know but a step nonetheless.

Steve seems at a loss for words, something I can't say of him often. He rests his hands on the table. "I think we should go back home, and figure out a plan... Figure out what exactly happened. Pray for a miracle... He went somewhere." He leans backwards and directs his attention to Thor who has removed himself from the group entirely. "We'll figure out where he went." 

Nat manages the smallest smile. "I'll get the jet ready." She says before lightly squeezing Steve's shoulder and moving to leave the room. The others follow her, defeated. I too get up and try not to make eye contact with Steve, who is still sitting. As I walk by him he pushes away from the table and grabs my wrist. He pauses for a moment and then pulls me to him. Throwing his arms around me my face is buried into his shirt. The tears come and I weep. My shoulders heave and the sobs don't come quietly. I reach up behind Steve's back and latch onto his shoulders. Two people I love had died in front of me today. 

I suddenly feel very faint. It's as if a huge weight drops onto my shoulders in a single second. I feel all sense of being evaporate and then I drop. Still crying Steve catches me. Without a word he lifts me into his arms and carries me the few feet to the table where he lets me sit. He grips my hand and puts a hand on the back of my neck which brings me back. I try to compose myself and slowly but surely the sobs become hiccups and I'm able to breathe again.

"You're scaring me a little Eve." He says. "I've never heard you speak so hopelessly. I need you, now more than ever."

"I just..." I hiccup, "don't see how we come back from this." I hiccup again.

Steve lightly caresses my back while he thinks. "We still have each other Evelyn. I'm not going to stop fighting until my last breath leaves my body." He pauses a moment. "He's still out there with the stones somewhere. We're going to get them all back."

"Usually I'd believe you Steve, I want to believe you, but I don't think this is something we can beat.. and even if we do how could we ever be the same?" I can tell that I've brought him down a little bit. He slumps back, leaning against the table he retreats from touching me and crosses his arms. 

Hanging his head he answers, "All I've known for the past decade of my life is change. Change and uncertainty. There was a time during the war that I thought I might... if I survived, might get a simple life. You and Bucky almost had that." 

"What are you saying Steve? You can't possibly blame yourself for the way things have turned out." When he doesn't answer me I continue. "Everyone was affected by this Steve. We'd be in the same spot even if we were leading normal lives, but here, now, we can help people."

He turns his head to me now, jaw tightening with his thoughts. "I just can't help but think that if we had all been together... if Stark had been here with us we might have won."

"It can't be changed now." Something within me clicks and there is a spark of hope. "All we can do now is take any opportunity we're granted. We should see who all is still standing... Nick, Maria, Scott, Clint..." My heart aches for him and his family. "God, I hope he didn't lose his kids." I let out a long huff of air once again realizing the magnitude. I look down at my own stomach and wonder if it were possible to lose what is growing inside. "Steve there's something else I should tell you..."

"Loading up and heading out guys. Air traffic is a mess, it'll be a miracle if we can make it back tonight." Nat has peeked her head through the door. How she is carrying on is inspiring. That's the thing about Nat she'll fight all the way until the end and she'll let you see and feel exactly what she wants you to. She was good but today you could just see through that mask she had made for herself. As she turns away I can see in the way that she carries herself that she too looks defeated. 

Steve stands by pushing himself up. "What is it you should tell me?" He tries to lighten the mood mocking my tone.

I think about telling him about the baby, but in this moment it doesn't seem right. I shake my head studying the man in front of me. "I don't think I can handle what's to come without you by my side. You are all I have left from my old self and lately I've been holding onto her as tight as I can."

"You're still that girl Evelyn. You won't lose her." He leans over and kisses me lightly on the forehead before turning away. I close my eyes and let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. I want to believe him but after this I don't see myself ever being who I was before.