Bound By Purpose

Dear Evelyn,

A letter came for me today along with a telegram telling me the details of  Steve's fateful mission. As of now they are searching for the plane that he was brought down in but it's not looking good. The telegram was addressed to my home but it did little to explain what really happened and I know that's just to spare me and the world from the actual fate of the beloved Captain America. But what about the fate of Steven Grant Rogers? I want to know what happened to him. I've shed my tears for Bucky and now again as I weep over Steve. I had sat on the edge of my bed just praying that it wasn't true all morning, but I know it's over. Steve's gone. There's nothing I can do to change my last moments with him. I'll never see either one of my boys again. I let a few more silent tears fall as I run my hands across the envelope addressed to me, that I haven't had the courage to read. I just stare at it. The handwriting is Steve's I'm sure of it.

 With shaking hands I tear open the white envelope and bring the shear paper up to the light. A letter and a picture are inside. Pulling out the letter I start to feel myself boil with anger at myself and then simmer with more tears of what I've done.

Dear Evelyn,

I never wanted this for any of us. I hope you know that. If I had thought for a moment that this would be the outcome of me becoming this, I wouldn't have even thought about agreeing. It wasn't right of me to leave you alone the day it happened I hope you'll forgive me someday for it whether it's before the war or after, I just hope you can. 

Bucky loved you more than anything else in this world and I'd be lying if I could say I wasn't jealous. You made him so happy. When we were younger before you started to go out the only thing he would talk about was you. How he dreamed about marrying you some day. I'm so sorry that you will never be able to have that with him, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't try to have that with someone else. If you never want to see me again I can understand but promise me you won't stop trying to live your life. If that means getting back into the SSR and tearing up the world with Howard and Peggy then you should because Bucky never would've wanted to see you alone. 

Eve I may not make it home from this fight and you may never rejoin it but, I just want you to know that you have always been my little sister. If we never see each other again I hope you remember me as that little kid in Brooklyn not the man you think I've become. I know forgiving me for Bucky will be hard. I haven't even begun to think about forgiving myself because it was my fault Eve, I let him fall through my fingers, and there's nothing I can do to change that, I hope I haven't done the same to you... So please, live on... If not for me then for Bucky. He would want you happy. I want you happy too. 

We will all see each other again Evelyn. Maybe not on Earth, maybe not soon, but we will. I hope you'll consider coming back someday because I need you around.

Love and miss you everyday.

-Steve

The tears are rolling down my face as I lay the letter on the dresser. I wipe my eyes on the sleeve of my dress and my palms on my skirt before I take out the second piece of paper. A wave of more emotions overcomes me as I pull out a drawing. Steve has sketched a picture of Bucky and I standing together outside the London bar on the sidewalk. We're linked at the hands and I'm on my tiptoes looking up at him with a huge smile on my face. Then there's James... All stoic with his uniform and smirk. Looking at it reminds me of the exact moment. I close my eyes and can almost feel him beside me in the early winter air. 

What am I doing? In a quick motion I drop to my knees on the floor and the lean the trashcan over pulling out the letters I threw away days ago. I toss most of them aside until I reach the one given to me by Howard. I don't know what I'm doing until it's open and in my hands. I  grip it tight in my hands as I begin to read.

I'm hardly taking in the information on the page, but as I reach the end I find myself flying down the stairs to the front room. I reach the house phone and find my hand hovering over the dial. It takes only a minute to realize that it's really what I want. I dial the number one digit at a time and wait for the answer.

"Hello. Howard? It's me... I want back in..."