HeartFelt Poetry| 18+

Poem #24|Saviour To The Voices

TRIGGER WARNING

I try to avoid the voices in my skull
Pushing me out, I'm losing control
That small bit of doubt clogging my arteries
I'm under too much pressure

I'm zoning in and out of focus
Mind wavering like a magnet
Stuck to the wall, trapped
While the world skins me alive.

Stuck in a jail cell, that I call home
Plain white walls, stained with yellow
From my mother's dark lips
Fresh glued on nails, as she smokes
Her second pack

I'm stuck, trapped in repeat
Every day held captive by her guilt
Spent 18 years listening to her words
Pretending to care, while I slave
On my knees to make her pleased

The smell in the air, ammonia is strong
Too many animals, so many bills
Watching them grow, not even healed
Animals don't see a vet, she says their
Fine, then another one dies

I'm going mad, these white damn
Walls drawing me in, I'm going insane
As my anger climbs the walls, becoming
Figures from dreams I cannot answer
My lips cracked, dry from the heat rising

I'm angry, angry at this life I've led
Angry that I grew the way I did
The paths I've chosen, made me who I am
Yet were Ive walked, there are always
Dead ends,

No where to turn, stuck alone
Fighting for white walls to let me go
Stuck in a comfort zone, no room to grow
Growing up became too tough,
Society decided I wasn't enough

Everyone else gets to grow up
While I'm fighting the demons
Growing from the walls for my cell
My mind floating the brink of
Insanity

As my sister tells her mother
That'd she'd cook her for dinner
Yet that's normal, I can't escape
They bring me back in ropes
Tieing down my hopes and dreams

The steel ball on my ankle holding
Me down, I'm sinking deep inside this hell hole
Loosing myself inside dreams of
False realities

Hoping for wings to fly free, as society
Rips them off of me
My mother doesn't believe in me, she laughs at my humanity
I'm not like then, I'm different
Yet in the way, I'm nothing

This prison has me captivated
By the insanity brewing inside
The walls decide to dance with me
There is no where I can hide
I'm afraid of the leader, the one
With crooked teeth

She loves to make fun of me
She likes to make me her slave
Yet when she calls upon her brother
The one who touched me when I was younger, I'm stuck inside a nightmare
Cause his loud mouth

Causes me pain, lashing me with a wiping of cruel words so vile
Yet I must stand tall and let the words
Bleed my wrists, flowing dark down my bedroom floors

Seeping into my carpet
Yet my wrists are clean, not cuts
The scars run deeper than a knife
Hidden behind the fear of loneliness
Will he leave if I harm myself

My only hope is my saviour
The man with a broken heart
He's special beat, that glows in his chest
Everytime he breaths, my jail cell
Has fresh air Everytime he talks.

My monsters are somewhat silent
When his lips kiss my forehead
What shall I do, will the demons win
The battle brewing deep inside my skin

Or will my saviour save me from
The monsters deep within.

Written By: Teha Brown aka WILTEDROSE213