HeartFelt Poetry| 18+

Poem #36| Not Shattered, Just Broke

TRIGGER WARNING

It's hard, and it's not what you think When I say life is hard,

You just roll your eyes and say get over it

I can't, I can't get over the feeling

It's stuck in my mind, embedded

I'm broken, not in the sense you see
My mind has taken over me
It's a time bomb waiting to explode
It's a destructive mess, waiting to self destruct

Some days it's like an invisible chain Wrapped around my ankle, keeping me On my bed you say "your lazy" but you don't even

See the battle inside my head begging me to stay in bed "Today's going to be bad!"

My brain screams, over analyzing every god-damn thing My stomach feels weak, my heart is slamming again the inside of my chest Ready to
break me

My emotions piling like bricks above me
Messily stacked into a high wall
Ready to tumble over and crush me The shaking of the ground, as my mind Shakes and quakes the destructive emotions

Then I explode like a volcano, thick lava taking it's claim
Destroying everything in it's path, crying and screaming
Loud overpowering thoughts, my brain falling apart I can't take it, can't take the pain

Every day is another claim
Waiting for that one day, for the happiness to steal me away
Counting down the minutes when i lose it again, to the nightmares of my own thoughts

Happiness only being a bus stop, that I almost barely never stop at
Lost in the valley of sand, time-consuming my every breath
I'm broken not shattered, just lost and alone

Nobody understands what goes on in my head, because everyone who did Left me standing alone, inside the destruction of my own scream
It was like nails falling on my skin, making me bleed

How can you even begin to understand What the fuck is inside my head, you keep saying I'm nothing
You keep saying " I don't want to" yet have you been inside my brain

When I fight with the person inside I do WANT to, I fight the war everyday Laying in bed knowing I should, yet my legs chained to the bed saying you won't
Dark monsters keeping you still, breaking your will apart

Overtime you know you should, you know you have to
You don't because there is always, that dark cloud telling you
That something might happen, to leave it for another day

Getting up for anything seems like the scariest thing, like a nightmare you can't wake up from, draining you of all your energy until you collapse

Tiredness you didn't know you had Drinking from a cup of absolute insanity
You wonder how long you can last? How long before you self-destruct?

Before you take your last step, and give in to the monsters inside your head
People tell you to get help, yet they don't understand
You'll never get help, with the way the voices speak in your head
You need to be forced, you need to be dragged or it will never happen

You can't do certain things, even when you know you should
It's like a sickness you can't be cured, nobody knows the reason behind

It's not laziness, it's not I don't want to It's my mind won't let me, my mind has control of my ever move I'm broken not shattered,

I'm not in control of who I am
I'm destructive, I'm a mess
I'm falling apart slowly I can't tell who I am,
I can't see myself in the mirror I'm different, I always have been

So when you say you understand You don't, don't even try because I will never truly let you in.

Written By: Teha Brown aka WILTEDROSE213

VOTE & COMMENT 💕