HeartFelt Poetry| 18+

Poem #29| The First Girl I loved

I am a woman,
18 with words I finally can speak
It came to me when I rememebered
The girl that drove me insane
With feelings that haunt me to this day

I wanna tell you a story
Of the first girl I ever liked
I'm bisexual you see, proud
I didn't always embrace who
I was on the inside, I was easily scared

I found woman attractive
At a very young age, my first
Porn was lesbian of course
At 10 years old, staring at a screen
Of two woman making out

I didn't realize until I was 13
That I sat on a fence, way too big
Look at two different directions
Of genders, wondering if it was
Alright to be who I was

Now the first girl I was attracted to
Was my best friend, 9 years later
She's pretty but those thoughts passed
She made me realize who I was, I was
Proud of that

My mother didn't accept, called me names
Like pussy licker and vagina lover
To make me feel low, too low
Even threatened to abandon me
Made me fear every looking at a girl wrong

Fast forward to 2015, god I don't
Remember how I met this girl
Her beautiful blond hair, and deep brown eyes like melting chocolate
On a sunny day

Her name was beautiful, Jillian
But life wasn't to kind to me
I was in love with a boy, I was with
She loved a boy she couldn't live without

Cross fired feelings, built up emotions
Late night text, flirting came to a end
She was the first girl I ever truly felt
Something deep inside my I couldn't describe to anybody

She was a small flame that grew
When I new her feelings, I wished I could
She was everything I wanted, yet she
Lived so far
So we decided to ignore

Then she left, my life
With one small button she deleted me
So when I type her name over and over
She is gone from the search bar
Blocked from my life.

It's 2018, it's 3 years since then
Yet she will always be the girl
My heart felt something so strong
I had to ignore
She was the first girl I ever loved

So if anyone ever tells you
You can't be in love with 2 people at once
Look them in the eyes and tell them
They are wrong, cause it can happen
But god does it hurt.

I loved that girl, named Jillian
I won't tell you her last name
It's not something I would share
She doesn't need to know my words

But sometimes you gotta share
Words of the past to finally let go
Of a love you had to ignore
Because fear held you back in a trap
So deep it destroyed your heart in the process

Sorry to the girl I hurt
Sorry I had to ignore the feelings
Sorry I let my mother win
I'm sorry I let you go, but sometimes
Demons win.

And your heart suffers the consequence

Written By: Teha Brown aka WILTEDROSE213

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So I never thought about writing about this till now, I used a old poem I wrote about her and basically rewrote it.  She was a wonderful girl, but we lived way to far apart and both had boyfriend we cared about.  The haze fell, and we realized that we were just gonna hurt each other.  I was like 15-16 when I met her, it's been about 3 years since she blocked me from her life.

The feelings will never change, she was my first love towards females.  Just like I have a first love toward male's, and trust me the memory of it will NEVER fade.   I loved her, just like I loved the ex in my past at that moment.

It's 2018, I have a new boyfriend. We've been together for 1 year and 6 months and I'm happy.  He knows about this girl, I've told him and he understands. 

Hope you all will, I love you kitties don't forget to spread the love and Vote/Comment your thoughts. ❤️