HeartFelt Poetry| 18+

POEM #40|I Didn't See This Far

TRIGGER WARNING

I can feel my eyes closing
I feel them blurring slightly
The emotions overwhelming
My mind, like drowning in
The deep end of a small pool

I feel my muscles tightening
The pain like stubbing your toe
Except it doesn't fade away
Tense and angry, my muscles
Cry

I feel my heart sinking, it's
Giving up on hope, giving up on me
I can feel my brain melting away
Hopes and dreams, nothing more than
A fantasy I sleep on at night

I feel my fingers cracking my eyes
Crying, the anxiety numbing at my fingertips tearing apart the flesh from my bones
Cause everything is out of control

My mind is a mess, my voice is numb
All I do is cry, when people tell me
I'm not doing enough
Yet even if I was bleed, raw and angry
Until my last breath

Fighting for the future I want to believe in
I'm still not doing enough
It's funny how nobody understands
That nothing in life is easy.

Some get there fast paced and easy
Others struggle on their hands and knees
Wondering if life is actually worth living
With a fake smile on their face
While nobody even BEGINS to understand
The thoughts in our heads

Cause the funny thing is I'm suicidal
I never EXPECTED myself to make it this
Far
I never saw myself hitting 18-19+
I was never mentally prepared to make it to adulthood

I never planned a future
Or had a dream I wanted to achieve
I just had DREAMS, fantasy's of what
I THOUGHT I'd never achieve
Because I believed that I'd just give up
Let the world take me to my end

Yet here I am?
Alive and Well, LIVING
Now I'm lost, stuck, confused
What do I do now?
When I never prepared to live this long?

So next time you tell somebody
They aren't trying hard enough
Maybe ask them what their plan
Was
Because trust me, mine was never
To be alive this long

It just happened, I don't regret it
I don't regret growing up
Meeting my current boyring
Experiencing horrible pain I wish I could erase

I don't regret being abused
Molested
Hurt
Raped by my EX
Suffering from Depression
All the goodies of living a partially shit life

I don't regret them, they made me who
I am
Yet don't think I ain't looking for a better life
Cause I just finally realized I can have a LIFE

NOW I have to figure out how to live it
Without DEATH entering my mind
Without SADNESS seeping through
Without PAIN taking ahold of me
Without DEPRESSSION winning

I just gotta figure out how to let my
SOUL FREE

Written By: Teha Brown aka WILTEDROSE213

SUICIDE is not a joke, it is NOT to JOKE.  When I say I'm suicidal I DO MEAN IT, IM NOT joking about this. I had a REALLY dark childhood and I suffered from allot of untreated depression issues that I HAVE LEARNED TO DEAL WITH THROUGH POETRY.

I AM NOT beautifying suicide, if you feel like you need help PLEASE GO GET HELP, EVEN IF YOU MESSAGE ME I WILL LISTEN TO YOU.  I am suicidal, but I have no desire to die or harm myself anymore.

I am proudly over 1 YEAR CLEAN, Yes I have scars and bad memories but it made me who I am today.  Don't ever look down on who you are, because there will be somebody out there who LOVES YOU for who you are no matter how ALONE you feel.

I feel alone every day, yet I realized there are people out there.  I just got to find the courage to talk to then when I'm sad, depressed or lonely.

Got to meet people halfway.

I LOVE YOU MY KITTIES, STAY SAFE ❤️

Vote & Comment 💕
MSG ME IF YOU NEED TO TALK!🗣️