All The Reasons Why ✔️

Twenty Two and a Half

(a second letter tucked away inside letter twenty-two)

Why do I keep doing this? I don't really know. These aren't meant to be read by anyone but you and him. So why do I keep finding myself hiding in the bathroom while he sleeps, reading them over with shaky hands?

I'm going to ask you a question now, Tatiana. But only because I know you'll never see these. He doesn't have it in him to send them to you.

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I live up to you? What's so fucking great about you that outshines everything great about me?

I'm sorry, I know this isn't your fault. It's just that I keeping finding myself with these damn letters in my hands, holding them against my chest as I sob, wondering if when he holds me at night if he's falling asleep thinking it's you instead.

I can't breathe right now and the paper is getting wet and I don't know if you'd even be able to read this if you ever got it. The ink is starting to smear.

You probably wouldn't even care why it is that I'm sobbing so hard. But I'll tell you anyway. You see, Tatiana, it's just that....

Last night he whispered in my ear that if we ever have a baby girl, he'd want to name her Penelope.

Jessica