just friends

okay?

       

Real Life

"Hey Melissa." I tense at his use of my full name, I had grown accustomed to his nicknames, "Bye Jessica." He says giving her a quick hug as they passed eachother, her going out, him coming in.

"Bye Jess." I call out, flashing her a small smile.

"Bye baby! I'll come over later!" She sends me a reassuring smile, and a thumb up. She closes the door after herself and I'm left with Diego, standing awkwardly, avoiding eye contact. We stayed in silence for what felt like forever, glancing at the clock, it had been awhile of just staring at eachother.

"Come sit." I say softly, hoping he will come by me, so I can at least see his eyes. He shuffles over to me, sitting down close to me, but shifted so he could look me in the eyes. The second we made eye contact, I felt myself relax. Safe is what I felt in Diego's presence, safe and happy.

"So," He starts, pausing thinking of something to say. "I'm sorry for not texting you back-" I didn't let him finish, I decided to just hug him. The second his arms wrapped around me, I felt the stiffness in the air dissipate. I pull away, placing my hands on his face, forcing him to look at me.

"Diego, that doesn't matter, as long as you're not mad at me. My heart would break if you were mad at me, or if I hurt you." I say.

"Oh no baby," my heart flutters at the nickname, "I don't think I could be mad at you, and if I was, I could never stay mad at you. I won't lie, I was a little hurt, seeing you and Neels last night. But that's not your fault baby," One of his hands reach to pull me closer, the other caresses my face. "He is your boyfriend, and I have no right to be hurt, you're just you and I can't help it."

"Oh Diego," I say, my heart hurts because he was hurt. I just wanted to hold him until he was okay and make everything better. " I-" I plan on telling him that I was ending things with Neels, I had made up my mind the second I saw Diego's face and knew I would pick him over Neels any day.

"We need space." He  stutters out, interrupting me.

"Space?" I ask, hurt filling my voice. I didn't want space, I wanted to be consumed with Diego, 24/7. Hearing him say space, made me realize that it wasn't something I wanted with him, but something I so easily wanted or asked for from Neels. This solidified my decision for me, I knew being with Neels wasn't the answer, and apparently to Diego , being with me wasn't the answer either.

"Look, we have been so wrapped up in each other, and we need to find ourselves again I think, to at least figure out what is going on with us. We are both so confused and unsure of everything, I think this would be good for us." I know I was being dramatic, but Diego asking for space from me, made my heart feel like it was breaking. I thought Diego liked me, but apparently he wasn't sure. I took a deep breathe to keep calm, if Diego needed this, then of course.

"Okay." I say pulling myself away from him.

"Okay?" He repeats, unsure with my answer. I think he was expecting some kickback.

"Yes okay, how long? Or just until it feels right?" I ask, wanting Diego to leave so I could curl up in  a ball.

"I, I don't really know. I guess until it feels right, or until I cave. But 100% space, we have to really give this a go? Or maybe we'll realize that is apart is a bad thing and it will help us. I don't really know," He says, giving a smile, reaching for my hand. My reaction was to pull away, and I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Sorry, sorry Diego, just a reflex."  I quickly grab his hand, giving it a squeeze. "And okay, whatever you want Diego. Look maybe you should get going, I have to get ready for brunch." I sigh, pulling my hand back, to run it through my hair.

"Oh, yeah, sorry didn't mean to overstay." He mumbles, getting up quickly.

"You could never overstay Diego!" I say quickly, "I just take forever to get ready, and Neels hates- I mean loathes tardiness. He also loathes the word hate." I say, rolling my eyes and Neels' pickiness. I realized again, how easily and often I found myself irritated with him.

"You know  I loathe him right?" Diego says, laughing. He was already by the door, ready to leave. I walk over to him, putting my arms out, wanting a hug before saying goodbye for whoever knows how long. He quickly pulls me into his arms, kissing the top of my head.

"I already miss you little baby." He mumbles before letting me go.

"Me too Diego." I sigh, holding in tears.  He quickly walks out of the door, and I close it behind him. Once the door shuts, I feel an immense wave of loneliness and heartbreak. I slide down the door, finally letting myself feel all my emotions, tears streaming down my face.