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Real Life

I waited a while for Diego to speak up, but I think he was more set on not letting me leave than figuring how to dig himself out of his hole.

"Diego if you aren't going to let me leave, your ass better start fucking talking." I say, annoyed at how Diego was blocking my exit but still just standing there with an unsure look on his face. In the moments of silence, I had calmed myself down, being angry wouldn't help either of us, and no matter how hurt I was I still believed at some point we would finally both get our shit together.

"I-I don't know where to start, all I really knew is that I love you Lis." He says softly, looking at me with scared eyes.

"Great you love me." I roll my eyes, not moving from my spot, normally my heart would flutter, and a smile would encompass my face, but I was beyond hurt by Diego and bitchy Melissa was here to play.

"That's all you're going to say? I love you Melissa." He shouts, frustrated with my uncaring reaction.

"What do you mean that's all I am going to say? It is obvious that I love your ass but loving you does not mean I will accept being treated like a game. By lying, one you lied and broke my trust, two you disrespected me, three you made me question everything between us." My voice cracks at my last words because no matter how much I wanted to believe he loved me this entire situation made me question it.

"Okay Melissa, if you love me then we can get through this. You love me, and I love you, no matter what that will get us through everything and anything. I'm sorry for my actions, they do not reflect how much I love you." He rambles, taking a small step from the door towards me.

"You are so fucked up." I say in disbelief, I couldn't believe he was trying to get me to just be like, okay I love you so treat me like shit and it is fine, no sir, not today not me.

"What?" He asks in shock.

"Just because I love does not mean you can act a certain way and I am going to just forgive you. Hell no, I may not love myself as much as I should, but I respect myself to know I deserve more than how you've been treating me."

"Treating you? I spoil you Melissa, I buy you whatever you want." He says in disbelief and so much conviction like he knew he was one hundred percent in the right.

"My god Diego, if you love me act like it, treat me like it. Don't play me with bullshit and flirt with other girls, don't fucking lie to me, try and make shit work with me." I say, I love Diego too, but loving each other isn't shit if we can't trust, respect, or make each other happy. "Making shit work isn't buying me shit Diego, I don't need material things Diego, I want you to be emotional and open with me. You can't buy love or trust, you need to do it with actions, and your actions don't show that. Lying and flirting does NOT show me that. And don't you dare call me unappreciative, I appreciate everything you've done for me, and I tell you that all the time. And it's not like I just take shit from you, I get you shit all the time too, what the fuck Diego. On top of that your stupid fuck, I support you all the time, no matter what it is, I always show you that I have your back, unless you know your dumbass is being a dumbass." My heart hurt at his words, he may love me, but he didn't know how to love. My heart hurt, anger wasn't filling me because our future looked bleak. Before I came him, I hoped for the best and expected the worst but somehow, I got worse than what I thought I was going to get. Before I thought we had a future, but Diego was so damaged I wasn't sure we would fine our way back.

"I have flirted Melissa, but I haven't done shit with another girl, I know that'd be disrespectful. But if we are being real, I am not cheating, we aren't even together so it wouldn't be cheating anyway." He yells, frustrated just like me, ignoring the last part of my rant. But his last words feel like a stab to the heart, mainly because they are true.

"You haven't done anything physical Diego, but emotionally you have. It is not okay to play me, or play these other girls, if you are about me, and want to be with me shut that shit down. Don't let these girls think you like them or have a chance with you. And don't act like you didn't know it was wrong because you wouldn't have gone so far to fucking hide it from me." I took a deep breathe, knowing that my next words were going to hurt us both. "Look you're right, we aren't together, and I don't think we should be. We can't do this in between thing anymore, and I don't think I'm ready to be with you, so whatever this is, is done. Maybe, hopefully we can both work on ourselves and we can find our ways back to each other..." I say softly, it hurt to say this, but right now in this moment it felt like this is what needed to be done for the long run.

"No." He says calmly.

"What do you mean no." I say, annoyed that he was just dismissing everything I was saying.

"No, we are not fucking ending this shit, I don't want that." He leans his back against the door, arms crossed glaring at me.

"Fuck you." I mutter, sifting through my bag for my phone. I pull it out and quickly dial Ethan's number. "I am not saying forever, but if we keep going this way we are going to self-destruct, and I want us to be big picture not some quick chapter in our lives, you are my book, the endgame we just have to work towards it Diego." I say as the line rings.

"I wanted you before, during our first break, I want you now, and I want you tomorrow, and the next day, I want you forever. We are big picture but who says we need to stop to get to forever. Also, what the fuck are you doing? Who are you calling?" Diego says quickly, moving from the door towards to me.

"I want us forever, but look at us we need a break, a second to regroup so we can give each other the best of us. We both need to be mentally okay before we are together because if we aren't we won't be big picture just a moment in a chapter." I say, ignoring him. I just wanted to go home and not fight with him. Our fighting has worn me out. But the main issue I realized was that I couldn't trust Diego, and I can't be with someone I don't trust, we need to work our shit and come back to each other, I believed that more than anything.

"Hey Mel." I hear Ethan's voice through the phone.