Bughead : Lost in love

Chpt 13 : Thoughts Betty's POV

(Trigger warning)
Even before my incident with Chuck I was sad and feeling different, but now now after the incident I am completely different. I feel I'm ashamed, scared, alert, clingy and above all depressed. I felt ashamed because I didn't know why I let Chuck do such a thing to me. I didn't know what to do, should I tell an adult? Should I tell Jughead? Should I pretend it just never happened? It was impossible to pretend it didn't happen when the incident as long with many other sad thoughts constantly flooded my mind.

I was scared all the time now. Even if a stranger randomly talks when I'm not expecting it, it makes me jump. I'm terrified of what they are about to say or do. I don't want to ever have to experience what Chuck did to me again. Everything around me just makes my thing what if this person will try to assault me. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts that make me more alert. I'm constant scanning for Chuck and trying to avoid him, or matter in fact any stranger.

I'm also extra clingy with Jughead. He loves me more than I could imagine and I know he will always protect me, so that makes me want to be around him even more. Even before Chuck I've wanted to spend time with him, but now I want to be by his side whenever I can. Sometimes I grab onto his arm when something scares me or whenever I see Chuck in the halls at school. Jughead probably notices a difference and he even asked me if everything was ok at Pops on his birthday.

With all these thoughts flooding my head I cnat stop thinking about how depressed I am. I feel sad that I can't be myself anymore. I feel the need to be more alert and clingy. I can't be myself anymore, I never will be. I used to be happy with Polly and a nice family, but now I'm hurting myself and am always thinking about what will happen next. Everything going on makes me depressed and it making me hurt myself. Sometimes I even think what if I didn't just hurt myself, what if I did worse... what if I ended my life. It was something horrible to think but it became a normal thought, I was traumatized. I just shook it aside though because I would never want to hurt jughead and Veronica and all my friends.

If I died Jughead would be heart broken. I don't know what he would do anymore. Veronica would be
crushed. She would have lost someone like a sister to her. Archie would have lost his best friend, and his childhood buddy. I didn't know what to do anymore. I try to put on a smile and push everything aside but it's impossible. I would never be the same.