A/N
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️
Self harm situations ahead
Cassidys POV
Me and Sam walk up to the apartment door nervously.
We had a fun night last night.
"You ready?" Sam whispers
"Yeah"
Sam pulls out the keys and turns the handle.
We both walk in nervously and are instantly greeted by Colby and Crystal sitting in the kitchen.
Crystal glares heavily as I step in and Colby stares in disbelief
"And where have you two been?!? Huh?!?" She questioned sternly
"You're not my mom Crystal! Stop being protective!" I say getting annoyed.
"Well maybe I should be!!"
"Would you stop this?!? I'm so sick of you trying to rule my life!" I retort
"Why are you being such a Bitch!" She yells across the room
"IM NOT BEING A BITCH CRYSTAL!"
"YES YOU ARE! IM JUST TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU!" She
Screams
"WELL STOP IT!"
"WHY ARE YOU TREATING ME LIKE THIS?!?"
"BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO BE LOOKED AFTER! NOT WHEN YOU ARE CONSTANTLY ACTING DESPRATE!"
"I HATE YOU! YOURE SUCH A FUCKING BITCH! I HATE HOW YOU CONSTANTLY USE EVERYONE! YOURE SO FUCKING SELFISH! NO ONE LIKES YOU BECAUSE OF IT"
Her words sliced through me heavily. It weighed on my shoulders and slowly slid down my throat. And suddenly, I couldn't breath.
The room began spinning. And my legs were shaking.
"I-I...maybe that's why Jack cheated on me" I whisper as a tear escapes my eye and slides down my face
"I CANT FUCKING HEAR YOU!" She shouts
"I SAID, MAYBE THATS WHY JACK CHEATED ON ME! WAS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH CRYSTAL. DID YOU HEAR THE LOSER IN MY VOICE EASILY?!?" I scream as loud as my little lungs would allow
"W-what?" She says shocked
At this point I couldn't do it anymore.
⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️
(I'm gonna steal some bits for this from my previous book. Sorry, lazy I know. But just bare with me🐻) Suggested song: Home By Gustavo Santaolalla
I stormed out and into my room. I slammed the door and locked it tightly.
I sit in my bed and think about what just happened.
I buried my face in my hands and sobbed deeply.
Crystals right
No one loves you
No one ever will
You're worthless to everyone around you
Why would you ruin their lives by staying alive?
Stupid bitch
I tried to block the voices out. But I couldn't. They tore at me. I knew there was only one way to hush them.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Come on
You're not that stupid are you?
By the way... lookin a bit fat and ugly at the moment aye?
Don't you agree?
I glanced at my desk and saw the light reflect off my shiny blade from my crafting knife.
But seeing this weapon of choice only made the voices speak louder, and more clear.
Ha! You think she's your friend?
She laughs at you
With everyone else
Do you blame her?
You're a loser
And there's only one way to stop it
To make everyone happy
You know what to do
Do it
Go on
We don't have all day
Pick up the blade
Come on Cassidy
I stood over my desk debating my next move. I examined the lines in the Finely cut metal. I picked it up in my soft fingers and traced its sharpness.
The blade whispered my name but I tried to ignore it. But it's whispering turned into screams. And all of a sudden... the idea didn't seem so bad.
Go on
I'm waiting
I don't have all day
Let's just get this over and down with
And none of the pussy shit
If you're gonna cut...
You cut deep
You make it bleed
So you can feel what you've done to everyone around you
Do it
Fucking do it!
I held the blade up to my wrist as my eyes followed the veins in my arms. As my eyes scanned over the previous scars I held it a little closer.
Come on Cass
You can do it
It's so easy
I pressed the blade firmly into my wrist and watched as the red liquid flowed out and dripped down my arm.
Now we're getting somewhere
Keep going
I'm loving this
My eyes became heavy and my breathing slowed. My vision began to become blurry. I was on the brink of passing out
Stay awake Bitch
Don't go to sleep now
We're just getting started
Go
Go
Go
I couldn't help it. I collapsed and fell beside my bed on the floor. My vision was blurry and I held in my hand the blood soaked blade.
This was my last time.
I looked at my feet and gently wiggled my toes
It was the simple pleasures in life that made everything better.
I grabbed a strand of hair and twisted it gently around my finger.
This was the last time I would wake up as Cassideana Mathews.
When Crystal finds me, I'm not gonna have a pulse.
My eyes began to shut, and I felt a heavy wave go over me. I thought about the beach, and the sun, and the way it reflects off the water in a blinding light.
I felt myself smile slightly.
And for the first time in a long time, I felt happy, peaceful... I felt... A L I V E
A/N
Sorry for the intense chapter. Remember, there's always a way. Don't choice suicide as a path. Believe in yourself. Stay strong❤️
