Suggested Song: Epiphany by FUTURISTIC
Cassidys POV
Even as a kid, I always ran away from conflict. If I had a problem, I found it was easier to just let it eat away at me.
To run away.
As I searched through apartments to live in on my phone, a little notification came up saying my phone was running out of storage.
Great.
Fuck you phone.
I decided to go through my photos and delete some.
I was going through my phone, deleting the odd random screenshot and stuff, when I found a photo.
A photo that made me force a smile.
I tried not to but, it was too hard.
I smiled at it for like 30 straight seconds. It was a photo I took of Sam, Crystal, Colby and I on my birthday.
We all looked so happy. So free. So relaxed.
We looked like we were friends again.
I put my phone down for a while. I couldn't bare to look at it anymore. It had been a couple of days since I saw them last.
They hadn't called me at all. I guess I'm the only one to blame for that.
I did act like a bit of a jackass.
But so did they.
My life was at risk.
Colby knew something was up, but he just broke his promise, then lied to me about it.
And ever since, I had been at war with myself.
Maybe you should just forgive them and apologise. Say you overreacted.
No fucking way! Are you dumb?! They will just take advantage of you!
No they won't! Their your friends. They made a mistake.
But they lied to you! That's not someone you want to be friends with!
My thoughts had become soldiers, and my mind was their battle ground.
It was a civil war inside of me.
Life was hard.
Every time I fell, life would come along and kick me in the face. Made sure I wasn't getting up.
Sometimes I think about what would've happened if I died all those years ago.
Colby and I would've never even found each other. Never would've been friends. And my feelings wouldn't be muddled up.
My phone buzzed, snapping my thoughts away.
I picked it up. Rosey was calling.
Rosey "Hey Cass. Mom told me about your fight with your friends. Just wanted to see how you're doing"
Cassidy "Why do you care? Not like you're much better! You hung up on me while I was on the brink of death!"
Rosey "Cassidy... you know I never meant for that. I told you I'm sorry. I would never have hung up if I knew what was up"
Cassidy "Fuck you..."
Rosey "What?!"
Cassidy "FUCK YOU ROSEY! DON'T EVER FUCKING TALK TO ME AGAIN!"
Rosey "Fine! Fuck you too!"
I hung up before anything else happened.
I sat on my bed cradling my phone. I wanted to yell.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to punch, kick, cry.
I was pushing everyone away. And soon, alcohol would be my only friend.
Alcohol would be the only place I wouldn't come to cry.
Pain was my sickness, and booze was the cure.
I throw my phone over my shoulder, as I watched it hit the wall and shatter into a mess.
And I curled up into a ball.
I felt like the more I thought, the more I shrunk.
All I wanted to do was hide away from the world that tore me down to hell.
If god is real, then where is he?
And why does he hate me so much?
