Suggested Song: Fix You by Coldplay
If I told you I was happy, you would see through my lies. You would tell instantly my real feelings.
I was empty.
I had managed to push all my support away.
It had been a month since I had talked to anyone.
I sat with my head in my hands, elbows on the desk.
My phone next to me began ringing, I picked up and saw the caller.
Mom.
Great.
I'm sure she had some words to say about Rosey and I's last conversation over the phone.
I'm sure she had a right earful.
Cassidy: "Hello?"
Mom: "Hey baby. I was calling because, Rosey mentioned you two got in a bit of a fight. I thought I better call, ask what's going on"
Cassidy: "Nothing Mom, I'm fine"
Mom: "Cassidy, that's what you say when you're hiding the truth. I'm asking you now Cassidy, tell me what's wrong"
Cassidy: "Everything is so bad Mom. I'm alone. All my friends have become enemies. I-I tried... so hard. And now all I can do is sit here and wonder... why didn't I die all those years ago?"
Mom: "Oh Cass... you didn't die all those years ago because God saw an angel, saw a struggle within that angels heart, but even though... he knew you wanted him to take you, he knew the world needed his angel more than he did. Cassidy the world needs your input, your light to shine in the dark. When God saw your light dimming, he put candles beside you, now he knows that you're strong. He is testing you baby. Your day will come for you to join heavens finest. But God wants his best angel down on earth, because he knows the world needs your smile"
Her words spoke so much love. My heart crumbled when she said those things, and suddenly suicide became a slightly harder decision. Like it took a step back, to let me breath.
Cassidy: "What about my friends? They probably hate me"
I say hanging my head in shame at my last remarks to them. My eyes resting in my lap as I twirled a pen in my fingers"
Mom: "Talk to them Cass. Friends fight, they say things that upset each other. Things were said, deeds were done. You can't change the past Cassidy, but you can fix the future. Stop trying to control every aspect of your life, cause it will end up controlling you. The world will beat you and rip you apart, but in the end, the other side of the tunnel really is brighter. I would give an arm and a leg to see you smile Cassidy"
Cassidy: "Thanks Mom. I love you"
Mom: "I love you too baby"
The phone hung up, and my heart dropped in my stomach.
Tears streamed down my face, but it wasn't because I was sad. It wasn't even because I was happy. It was because Moms words hit me in the face.
I sat and stared out the window. She was right. Friends fight, they say and do stuff to hurt each other, but if you stand up, put your hand out and lift them back up, it will all work out.
You gotta keep going, pushing through the rain.
You can't live this life on your own. You were born with people around you and one way or another, you die with people around you.
How you live your life is up to you, but we all connect. Some people connect better than others.
Some will never get along right, others will be un-breakable.
You can't live your life in reverse, you have to put the brakes on some times, and sometimes, even when the storm is rough, you gotta keep driving. Eventually you will make it home.
My problem was Colby.
People say those three words are simple. But they aren't. They are filled with passion, heart, trust, hate. Love is one of the most complex emotions.
People view it differently. Some say they hate it and won't go near it. Others don't understand it, and abuse it.
But at the end of the day, you will never know if you don't speak up and say it.
And if he rejects me, so be it. I move on.
I mend my heart, and start off fresh.
