Finding DJ :.a supernatural fanfic.:

Chapter twenty three

"You sold your..." I knew what this meant. Dean told me about the case a few months back where people were selling their souls to demons and only having ten years to live. Dean only has ten years to live.
"I only have a year. That's all the demon would give me." I felt my knees buckle and Dean caught me.
"No! Don't touch me!" I cried out as Sam ran back out. Dean looked shocked that I even raised my voice.
"Sam go check on the kids. Make sure they're still asleep. I don't want DJ hearing this conversation." Dean told his brother and he did as he was asked. Dean then looked back at me with guilt filled eyes that pleaded with me to understand. But I couldn't. I couldn't understand how he could do this with children involved.
"How could you do this to me? How could you do this to them? Do you realize what you've done?"  I asked, anger seething from my voice. He eyes burning, mouth a thin line, tears threatening to fall.
"I couldn't let him die, Lucy. Protecting him is my my job, he's my brother, my family. I..."
"So are we. I'm your wife. Those are your kids, Dean. Think for a second about them and how this is going to impact them. DJ grew up without a father okay? Yes that's on me I know that but still he did. When he finally got to know you and have you in his life, you go and do this. Then there's Constance. She's only nine months old Dean. She has to grow up without you too? How is that fair to them? How is that fair to any of us. You may have saved Sam but now we have to lose you. In the worst way. I can't even..." I walked away then and Dean didn't even try to stop me. I mean how could he do this to us? I walked into the house and shut the door behind me.

A few days past and I haven't left my room. Bobby said that it was alright that we stay for a while, he didn't mind having us here. Especially the kids. A few hunts came up but Sam and Dean decided not to take them. They needed a break.
Dean tried to talk to me but I wasn't ready yet. I spent my days crying in my room, knowing that I was going to lose my husband. The pain was unbearable and it wasn't fair. I tried to understand why he did this. Yes, Sam was his brother and for a long time, Sam was basically the only family he had and for him to go like that, it shook Dean I'm sure.
I've been laying here for a week now. A week of crying and almost sleeping. The pain in my chest kept me up most of the night. Then the dreams, nightmares of a million ways Dean could die.
"Luc?" I wiped my face clean of tears and snot and turned away from the door. "Lucy, you need to eat something. Come downstairs and have lunch with us. Please?" Dean was desperate now. He's been trying to get me out of this room since I got in it.
"I'm not hungry." I said, anger no long in my voice. I just didn't have the energy. I felt the bed dip a little as he sat down. He started rubbing circles on my back, trying to comfort me. I slowly sat up, my body stiff from laying down for so long. I rested my back against the headboard and finally looked at Dean.
His eyes were red and puffy, like he'd been crying too. His face was a little pale and stubble had taken over his chin.
"Why?" I asked, my voice breaking as I did. Fresh tears began to fall.
"I'm so sorry, Lucy. I wasn't thinking clearly. I just...panicked. Losing Sam scares me to no end. Always has. And..."
"But now we have to lose you. You realize that don't you?" He nodded. I just jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder. I felt his arms wrap around my waist and squeeze me tight. He kissed my neck and I pull away, kissing his lips. Trying to hold on to what I have for just a little bit longer.

About an hour later, Dean and I just lay there together, limbs tangled under the bedsheets. I felt Dean kiss the top of my head and I just snuggled closer to him, if that was even possible.
"What are we going to do?" I asked quietly, running my hand along his bare chest. He took in a deep breath and kissed the top of my head.
"I'm not sure. All I know is that I don't want to leave you. I wasn't thinking straight when I made this deal. I'm so sorry." I propped myself up on my elbow to look at him.
"Don't be. You saved your brother. Yes, it really sucks and this is really bad but you did what you thought you needed to do to save Sam. We'll figure this out." He smiled and kissed me.
"I love you." He said.