Naomi Hanson's Point of View
"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm not feeling up to it today. It's just-- it's too soon." I explained to my mother. She nodded, "Alright if you don't wanna go, that's your decision. But I, however, have to go to work. I'll see you later tonight. Sound good?"
I nodded in agreement, "Yeah, see ya'" I waved my mother goodbye as she rushed out of the house. I feel like a coward for not going to school. Was I really that afraid of what people will think of me? No. I'm not. I'm afraid of what Bryce is thinking of me.
He probably thinks I'm a tease. Dear god, I hope he doesn't think that. I just-- I couldn't be with him yet. I wanted to. So so badly! I've never wanted anything more than to be with him! I just want to do the cheesy shit boyfriends and girlfriends do. I hate that cheesy shit, but if it were him I wouldn't mind.
All because I need to find myself? I hate myself for thinking that! Why can't I just find myself along the way? I've always known who I am. Where I lie on the social pyramid. Why must I begin to question everything when things seem to be going my way? Maybe I should do things I would normally do in hopes to stumble upon old me.
I shot up from the couch and walk to the Loski's house. I haven't offered to mow their lawn in a while. Maybe I'll do that! Yeah, I can do that! Bryce isn't home so no confrontation. I can just try to do a good deed and not think about him. That'll be very difficult since he is a constant underlying topic in all of my thoughts.
I raise my hand and knock on the wooden door. Almost immediately the door is opened by an older man. I smile, "Hi! I'm Naomi. I was wondering if I could mow your lawn?" I asked. The man sighed, "Sorry, but I don't have any cash with me right now."
I shook my head, "Oh no-- not for money. It's more for a--uhm-- a project." I stuttered. The man chuckled, "Well, I guess I wouldn't want to stand in the way of a project now would I-- I'm sorry, I don't think I caught your name, young lady."
"Cause' I didn't tell ya'" I joked, "I'm Naomi. I'm a friend of Bryce's" I held my hand out. A friend of Bryce's? You are not just a friend, right? I mean-- after everything that has happened you're not just friends. Jesus, I'd hope not. Well, I'll spare this man the gory details. Gory-- depressing. The man shook my hand, "Well, it's lovely to meet you Naomi. I'm Bryce's grandfather, Chester. But, you can call me, "Chet"."
I smiled sweetly, "It's lovely to meet you."
"Hey, would you mind if I helped you? I should probably get some sunlight." Chet said with a laugh. I smiled, "Of course, that would be absolutely wonderful."
--
"Did that really happen?" I asked Chet in shock as I began to put away the lawnmower. Chet laughed, "Of course it did! I don't have the imagination to make up such a story!" He defended himself.
"Grandpa? Naomi?" A familiar voice spoke, not only interrupting our conversation but breaking my heart. I turned to see Bryce. Jesus, it hurts to see him. I still have the butterflies but they're over-powered with an ache.
My heart is burning in my chest as my eyes are both blessed and cursed by the sight of him. I whined about how I missed him dearly and how I wanted to see him, but now that I do it's not what I expected to feel. I feel guilty. For what, I don't know. My feelings? One should never feel guilty because of their feelings, but here I am.
"Bryce." I responded, my voice faint. Hell, it even hurts to say his name. Bryce furrowed his brows together, "I thought you needed space?" He asked. Not sounding angry, but upset. Maybe even a little hopeless. He knew how I felt and where I stood, he just wanted it to be different. And so did I. If only the circumstances were different.
I wish I could just tell him, 'I want to be with you Bryce Loski. That's all that matters and all that will ever matter.' Then to have him just hold me in his arms forever and never let me go, ever. It'd be just us as the world around us fades away. I took a deep breathe, "I just-- I didn't come to see you. I just wanted to help out Chet-- your grandfather." I informed him.
"I thought when you said you needed space from me, I thought that included my family. Little did I know, you were going to hang out with them, but not me. You know what, why don't you come to dinner tonight? Don't worry about me, I'll just sit in my room and wait for you to finish." Bryce harshly spoke, walking past me and into the house before I could reply.
"Bryce--" I began, but it was too late. I let out a sigh before turning to Chet, "I'm sorry--" I began but he stopped me. Chet smiled, "You don't have anything to apologize for. Young love is powerful."
I furrowed my brows, "Young love?" I chuckled, "Bryce and I are not in love. It's just--it's complicated." I gave up. We weren't 'in love'. Maybe I do love him. Maybe, who are you kidding? You know damned well you love that kid. Everything about him you love. Every little bit of him. You're so in love with him, don't even try and deny it. But, from what just happened it's safe to assume that the feeling isn't mutual.
"Only those in love, argue like that. I can see the way you two look at one another, I know that look. That's love."
