Bryce Loski's Point of View
"Bryce, aren't you going to say hello to your grandfather?" My mother asked. I looked up from my book, "Oh- sorry. I just- Sorry. Hey Grandpa." I greeted him happily, standing up from the couch and going to hug him. I wrapped my arms around him momentarily before returning to the couch, I sat back down and continued reading.
I felt my grandpa sit down beside me. He sighed, "What're you reading?" He asked me.
I looked up at him, "Uhm- It's Shakespeare. A friend of mine seemed to like it. Thought I'd give it a shot." I explained. My grandfather smiled, "What's done cannot be undone." He quoted the book which brought a smile to face.
I chuckled, "Sometimes I wish we could." I spoke in a hushed tone, so nobody else would hear me but him. My grandfather smiled lightly, "What have you been up to lately, kiddo?" He asked.
"Not much." I confessed, closing my book and setting it in my lap. I sighed lightly, "And school is boring as usual. I mean, it's never been interesting to me."
My grandfather chuckled, "Boring, but necessary."
--
"Hey, man. I saw you with Naomi over the weekend. You walked past my house, that's pretty cool." Jacob commented. I furrowed my brows, "I thought you were under the impression that she was a weirdo?" I questioned him. Had Jacob actually morphed into someone who's not a total self-centered douche?
Jacob sighed, "She's alright man. I figured maybe I should stop just assuming." He laughed, "Anyways, what happened? You looked very smiley when you walked past." He mocked. I laughed, "It was short. Like all good things typically are." I spoke, my tone clearly sad and feeling hopeless. Jacob sighed, "Sucks. Sorry, man."
I shrugged, "It's cool. Maybe I should try and find her." I suggested.
"She's not here." A voice added in, I turned to find it was Garret. Is she not here? What could have happened to her? Is she alright? Is she sick? Dear god, I hope she's alright. I looked over at Garret, "How do you know that?"
"I was up in the office giving them my doctors note and her mom came in to say she wouldn't be at school. For 'family' reasons." Garret informed me, a shrug following the statement. Family reasons? Is there something really wrong with her family? Or was it me? It's no coincidence that she didn't show a day after we decided we weren't going to start anything.
Hell, it took so much for me to get out of bed. I could hardly even sleep last night. Even when I fell asleep, I kept waking up. Drenched in sweat. Every one of my dreams filled with my regret. I was manifested by my thoughts of her and regret. And about what my grandfather said. I wish I could undo what has been done. My life would be a lot easier and a lot less fucked. I could've gone back and stopped myself from ever saying anything about her. Stop Jacob and Garret and just be real with them and with everyone else.
I would've told past me, you need to realize how much you love this girl. Own up to it. There's nothing with it. You were lucky to have her even like you. You shouldn't be ashamed of your feelings. They exist. They're real and you can't ignore it because it may go against your better judgment.
Maybe it was better for me to just be a popular kid who plays football, at least it is on paper. But it feels right to be with her. Hell, it's the sanest thing I've ever done was falling madly in love with Naomi. It was the most real thing I've done. One of the only things I've wanted for me. And just like that, I screwed her over and I screwed myself over.
Why did I have to do this?
"She hasn't been gone a day since.." Garret began. I cut him off, "...Since her dad." I spoke softly, my heart breaking at the thought of it. I remember going to her house the day it happened, she had missed school.
I think that's when I knew. When I just saw her sitting alone, so upset. And it hurt me to see her like that. I remember walking to her and pulling her into a hug, never wanting to let go of her. I never wanted to see her hurt again. I promised myself I'd protect her, cause that's what friends do. But now, I'm the one that hurt her and I feel so terrible. I didn't know you could hate yourself and your actions so much.
Garret's voice pulled me out of my thoughts, "I'm sorry about what happened Bryce. I really am." Garret apologized. Jacob nodded, "Yeah man, I'm not proud of it. We're so sorry."
I chuckled lightly, shrugging, "These violent delights have violent ends."
