B. Loski's Point of View
"Nothing, Bryce. I don't want you to do anything. I want space. Jesus, don't you know that? I don't want you to plead your case or to bring me flowers or some shit. I just wanted space. That's all." Naomi spoke harshly, making my heart ache. I could actually feel my heart breaking in my chest. That's not even me being dramatic! Is this what love does to you? It's fucking sick.
"Naomi, please-" I began but she immediately stopped me, "I'm sorry." She spoke before letting out a laugh at the use of the phrase. "I gotta go, Bryce." She told me before hanging up. You've gotta go? You've gotta go. Fucking hell, just crush my fucking heart in your hands, Naomi. Being in love makes me feel like shit. I can't even imagine how Naomi felt that night at homecoming.
Probably 100 times worse than this, and I shouldn't be throwing myself a pity party but I feel terrible. Fucking hell, this sucks!
I placed the phone back on its stand and walked towards the couch, where my grandfather was. He smiled at me with hope, "How'd it go."
I sighed, "Not so good. She told me she wanted space. Nothing else. She doesn't want me to talk to her or do some grand gesture. She just wants to be alone." I sighed, defeated. I looked over at my grandfather, "I feel like shit, Grandpa."
"I'll let you curse just this once." He laughed.
I sighed once more, "Seriously, Grandpa. I feel absolutely terrible. Honestly, I wish I could do something to just make her see me just once. Just so she could see our spot. I don't even need her to forgive me. I just need her to see it." I looked over at my grandpa, "If I could just make her feel some fragment of happiness to partially make up for what I did to her, holy hell I'd do anything to see her smile. Jesus, I miss her smile. I miss her so much. Everything about her. I just miss her so much."
I shrugged a little, "It just sucks." I confessed. My grandfather smiled, "Love does that to you. I know it sucks, but eventually, it gets good."
I hope he's right. But I want it to be good now. I want to be with her now! Every day without her is like an eternity. I just want her, so bad. More than I've ever wanted anything else! I would do anything for her. Holy fuck, I'd do anything for that girl. I'd do whatever just to see her smile and to hear her laugh. The one that makes me happier than anything else could.
I love being with her more than anything else. I just connect with her. And she makes me feel-- I don't know-- just like I can be this amazing person. And I want to be! For her! I would do anything just to be someone who's good enough to be seen with her. I want to be a good enough for her. I just want to be enough.
I wish I could be this guy that she wants to be with. But, I'm not. I'm just some douche that screwed her over. That screwed over my chances of being with her. Being with someone I'm so madly in love with! Why did I do that to myself?
It's not like I recently fell in love with her. I have been for a long time now. I just wish I would've realized it sooner. If I had, maybe I would be with her. Maybe, we'd be at her house. Watching Scream or some shit. My arms around her as she lets out a light laugh at all the theatrics. Because she isn't scared. She never is. She's so brave. I wish I could have the courage she does.
God, I love that about her. Not just that, everything. I love every little thing about her. I just want to be with her! I wish I could be with her. Fuck, I am such an idiot. What do I do now? Now that I've lost what I love most. What else do I have to work towards? She doesn't want me. She's done with me.
And that's the most heartbreaking thing ever is when you're in love with someone but they don't care. Because you're a shit person, and you wish you weren't. I wish I wasn't.
